Love And Relationships

Winter Romance on a Budget (By Nicole Dean)

2008-06-10T11:00:00.001-07:00

Oh the weather outside is frightful

But the fire is so delightful

And since we've no place to go

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

Winter is a wonderful time for romance. With the cold weather, the perfect stillness, and the additional time for snuggling, you can’t go wrong in the romance department.

There are countless ways to show love during the winter — without running up your credit card bill. Initiate the following ideas with your sweetie, and show him that your warm heart isn’t affected by the cold weather or by your budget.

* Light some candles or start a fire in the fireplace and enjoy the day together.

* Scratch his back or rub his feet.

* Bake cookies together.

* Read a book out loud to each other. As kids we enjoyed being read to, and the appeal is still there. Just try it and you'll see.

* Turn on the radio and slow dance to the songs you fell in love listening to. Or find new songs to rekindle your love.

* Look at old photo albums of yourselves when you were kids through your dating years. When's the last time you've had a photo taken together?

* Play a board game or do a jigsaw or crossword puzzle together. There are so many new fun games as well as the old favorites. Make it a priority to spend time together.

* Have a picnic on the living room floor. Serve some wine and cheese or order take out food. Even your ordinary sandwiches will taste delicious when served with the right atmosphere.

So, although the weather outside may be frightful, romance during the winter is definitely delightful. As long as you love him so - Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

http://www.RomanceYourHusband.com is a website dedicated to helping married couples stay friends and to help them remember why they married each other in the first place. Whether you're looking for words to show love or cheap-romantic-ideas, we can help.

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Here are the Regulations for Romance (By Rajeev Kumar B)

2008-06-10T10:59:00.002-07:00

You know that you want to make your relationship with your spouse special and romance is the ideal way to do that. Romance keeps the passion and love alive in any relationship, but just like most good things romance comes with a few rules in order to make it work.

Romance can be planned or spontaneous and both are perfectly acceptable. Spontaneous romance is almost always wonderful because both you and your spouse are often caught up in the moment and you are both sharing an intimate experience together. It is often when you plan romance that mistakes can be made if you aren’t aware of the rules of romance.

The first and probably most important rule of romance is that your relationship should always come first in your life. While this may be a difficult concept for those who have put so much time and effort into your career, but when you are retired and cuddling with your spouse on the front porch you probably won’t be wishing you had spent more time at work. Everything in your life should be an outpouring from your relationship. Everything you do should be because of your marriage and the love you share with your spouse. When considering this idea, be sure not to mistake it with being the one in your relationship who must always suffer for the sake of principle. That can only hurt your relationship. A good marriage consists of two people who always support and encourage each other.

When you bring romance into your relationship, it is crucial that you understand it is your spouse who defines what is romantic. You can give her chocolates, flowers and jewelry until you are broke, but it won’t do a thing for your marriage if she doesn’t like chocolate, flowers and jewelry. The same goes for wives giving to husbands. Pay attention to his or her likes and dislikes. There’s no point in cooking a special meal all day long if he’s got a craving for chicken wings.

When two people get married and their lives grow together, there seems to be less and less opportunity for spontaneity. This isn’t a bad thing! Planning is simply creating the opportunity. Plan out a week or even an entire month of romance. Plan your Anniversary celebration. Plan a surprise night out on the town. The element of surprise is just as good as spontaneity. In fact, it’s probably better. You spent time putting thought and effort into your gesture. Impulsive is great, but planned can be better.

Romance doesn’t always mean presenting gifts. Gifts are wonderful gestures, especially if they are something he or she can truly appreciate but they cannot compensate for some of the more important romantic gestures in a relationship- special time with each other. Special time with each other doesn’t mean going out and doing things each weekend. Spending times together on the sofa or not rushing through dinner and enjoy each other’s company is very romantic. Give it a try and you’ll see how romantic simple time together can truly be!

Author is the editor of Special Feature section of newkerala.com, the Online newspaper published from India. Read more articles by the author at http://www.newkerala.com

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The Magic Wisdom of Love (By James Sniechowski and Judith Sherven)

2008-06-10T10:59:00.001-07:00

What kind of wisdom pushes you in your choice of love partners? Often it's a wisdom that doesn't always meet the eye. In fact on the surface, it may seem like the two of you are so different that you'll not even be able to make it. But, with a full commitment to the totality of love -- it's those very same differences that will not only fertilize your love, keeping your lives vital and always changing, but will also spur you to greater personal growth.

Yesterday, Jim went into town for his morning newspaper and donut pick-up. On his way out, Judith handed him a form to take to the Library, so we could formally apply to use the Civic Center for a presentation we'll be making in September.

When he got back, Judith asked how it went at the Library. Jim looked surprised. He'd forgotten all about it and didn't even know where the form was! Well! In the early part of our marriage (we've been together 18 years, married 17) when this ditzy side of Jim would show itself, Judith would usually flip out. She'd get angry and scared and start crying in total frustration! Sometimes it would deteriorate into long, drawn out fights as we struggled to find our equilibrium -- because Jim never saw anything tragic going on and Judith always did.

You see, Judith was raised in a family that took getting things done "right" very seriously. So she developed a perfectionistic bent, coupled with a need to avoid "trouble" or getting into "trouble." (Can you identify with that?) That followed her into marriage and obviously caused a great deal of pain for both of us.

The wisdom in marrying Jim is that today Jim is still prone to being ditzy, but Judith has learned rom him that his "relaxed attitude" has never caused a catastrophe and so she has relaxed enormously and seldom gets upset anymore.

That's not to say that Jim is so relaxed he's dangerous. We're only talking about non-consequential issues. But it's often the little things that drive people into divorce court when they cannot tolerate each other's personal styles.

Please remember – the other person is not you. Your partner is not you. That may sound obvious, even simplistic, but the next time you go off on your partner because s\he or she hasn't done something "right" – in other words, the way you would do it or the way it should be done – you are insisting there's only one person in the world and that is YOU! Intimacy takes two and it's most delicious when the two aren't the same. Then the adventure of love can be wondrous and your relationship can stay fresh and vital.

Jim found the Library form in his office. He'd been distracted and left it behind. He turned it in the next day. Judith didn't even lose a beat on this one and got to celebrate her cool attitude and tease Jim, in a loving way, about his "absent minded Professor," which he didn't defend.

We both had a good time on our walk today talking about how much we've learned from one another and how grateful we are for it. That's what can happen through the wisdom in your choice of one another!

Take a look at all the ways your relationship, even if it didn't work out, was a very wise choice in terms of all you've learned from it! And be grateful.

Judith Sherven and James Sniechowski share the secret of life-long romance. Be sure to get your copy of their Free 1 hour teleseminar "Keeping Romance Alive," and find out how. Just go to ==>http://www.judithandjim.com

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Open Your Heart to Love (By Tim Ong)

2008-06-10T10:58:00.002-07:00

Many people live a life without love.

They cannot love themselves, and therefore they cannot love anyone else. Some even feel that they do not deserve love. The sad fact is that without love, no matter what else you have in life, it's not enough. We need to love ourselves unconditionally in order to live fully.

The love I'm referring to here is not romantic love.

Love here refers to unconditional, universal love and respect for life - yours and everyone else's. We are all capable of this type of love. In fact, if we can strip ourselves of all our negative emotions, imprints and ego, what remains is pure, unconditional love. That is who or what we are underneath all the layers of impurities that we have accumulated.

The problem is that we have forgotten how to love. We have to learn to open our heart to love again.

OPEN YOUR HEART TO LOVE

There are four steps involved in opening our heart to love:

1. Acceptance

2. Forgiveness

3. Expression

4. Actions

ACCEPTANCE

First, we have to accept that we are capable of love - pure, unconditional, selfless love! We have to accept the need to express this form of love in our life in order to live fully.

FORGIVENESS

Next, we have to learn to forgive - ourselves and everyone else, especially those whom have hurt us in the past. Learning to forgive is not a choice. It is a neccesity! We need to forgive in order to heal ourselves and make ourselves whole again. If we cannot forgive, we cannot move forward. We will continue to carry old wounds and burdens with us. When we forgive, we let go of all these wounds and burdens, and instantly feel lighter and stronger to move forward.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting.

It means we're willing to let go of the past and willing to give ourselves the freedom to start afresh without encumbering ourselves with the old wounds. We remember the lessons without bitterly holding on to the pain. We do not wish to blame anyone anymore.

There are three types of forgiveness:

1. Forgiving those who have hurt us

2. Forgiving ourselves for hurting others

3. Forgiving ourselves for hurting ourselves

To open our heart to love, we must learn to love ourselves first. To do that, we need to start by forgiving ourselves for all our shortcomings and mistakes. We need to stop blaming ourselves. We stop blaming others and circumstances. It does not mean that we do not accept responsibility for our actions. What it does mean is that we recognise our weaknesses and mistakes and wish to give ourselves another chance to make our life work for us.

TO ERR IS HUMAN, TO FORGIVE DIVINE

Forgiveness is an expression of compassion. Our compassion should not be extended to just other beings but also to ourselves. If we are not compassionate to ourselves, it is difficult to show true compassion to others. So forgive yourself!

EXPRESSION

Our life is an expression of all our mental and emotional imprints. All these imprints find expression outwardly in our life sooner or later. The sooner they are expressed, the more liberating it feels. Bottled up inside, the negative imprints can grow into something potentially more harmful and malignant. We need to give these negative imprints a chance to be expressed so that we can release all the pent up energies we hold inside us - energies that can manifest physically as illnesses and emotionally as fear, anger, frustration, guilt, doubt and lack of self-esteem.

Here are some suggestions on ways to express youself and transform negative, pent up energies into positive, liberating energies.

1. Journaling

2. Sharing with trusted friends and support groups

3. Professional counselling or therapy

ACTIONS

Action here refers to actual acts of loving-kindness in our lives. Like all habits, we need to integrate this into our daily lives in order for it to become a part of us.

Here are some exercises to help generate more feeling of loving-kindness towards all beings:

EXERCISE

1. Loving-Kindness Meditation

Generating unconditional love requires effort at first. The Buddhist’s Metta Meditation is a good meditation to help generate unconditional love towards all beings.

2. Eliminating Prejudices

Universal love is unconditional and without any bias or prejudice. If you have a certain prejudice towards certain people or race, try to make an extra effort to love them unconditionally. For example, if you are biased against Muslims in general, make an extra effort to seek out Muslim orphanages or old folks homes to give gifts during a New Year celebration or a special occasion.

3. Perform an Unconditional Act of Love Daily

There are many things you can do daily to show your unconditional love. For example, we often do not notice the mailman, or the garbage collector. In the office, we often do not notice the tea lady and maintenance staff. Do you know who sweeps your office daily? Make an effort to know these people as a person.

Dr. Tim Ong is a medical doctor who has a keen interest in self improvement and personal transformation. In his free time, he teaches meditation and gives public talks. He is also the webmaster of MindScienceInfo.com. Sign up for his mind transforming newsletter by sending a blank email to transformnow@aweber.com.

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When You Love an Addict (By Stephanie Manley)

2008-06-10T10:58:00.001-07:00

One of the hardest things you can ever do is to love an addict. Addiction is a vicious and an all influencer that very few relationships can survive. The addiction whether it is drugs, food, alcohol, or even the internet really doesn’t matter because that desire that your loved one will have will over shadow all. Loving an addict leaves you feeling empty and very alone.

Realize that the addition will over shadow all aspects in your relationship with the other person. When someone is consumed with an addiction that addiction comes before everything else. Your loved one does care, but realize that your loved one has something else that is more pervasive in their life. They still love you, but the nature of an addiction will place the desire and need to feed their addiction as the primary force in their life.

You will be faced with the choice of trying to compensate for them in their relationship. This may be trying to explain why they are late, why they are unprepared, and why your mate may be distracted. Eventually this will leave you feeling exhausted and empty. It will be at this point you will need to determine if you are receiving positive qualities out of the relationship.

It is important to be supportive of your partner’s recovery if that is what they want to do. If they do not want to recover, your best option is not to continue to explain why your mate can not cope with life as they normally would. You do not want to enable their misguided behavior; this will make it easier for them to continue their addition.

You may be faced with putting aside the relationship if their addiction grows to be too great. For some couples this realization is enough to help the addict reel in their addiction for others, they will simply part ways. A relationship with someone who has an addiction is worse than a relationship with someone who is involved with another person, as you do not lose your loved one to someone else; you lose them to their self.

Stephanie writes many more articles at http://romancelessons.blogspot.com

She is also the editor for CopyKat recipes - you have tried it in the restaurant, now make it at home. http://www.copykat.com

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Other Names for Love (By Sharron Myers)

2008-06-10T10:57:00.002-07:00

Well, here we are in February and many people are celebrating St. Valentines. It is a good time to think about love and relationships to put a bit of warmth in our lives after a long winter.

Today, I would like to look at what love is. The English language only has one word for love and it is used interchangeably for almost everything. We can say I love my husband and I love Chocolate. Both are using the same word and it is only by the context that we can ascertain the difference. The Greeks, on the other hand, have four different words to describe love. Each word gives a different nuance to the word that helps us understand more fully what is being spoken of.

I want to look with you at the four Greek words for love.
These are:

1) Eros

2) Storge

3) Philia

4) Agape

Eros:

The first type of love we are all familiar with. Our English word Erotica is derived from this word. Sadly, some people never get passed this type of love and base their relationships purely on sexual attraction. This is the type of love that merchandisers tend to play on with the public trying to get us to buy their products to make us more attractive to the opposite sex. Unfortunately, aromatherapy is being misrepresented by these same people also to traffic their products. You would be surprised to see how many products are being offered specifically to attract the opposite sex using aroma.

Studies have been done trying to prove the theory of attraction through Pheromones based on animal instincts. I personally feel that attraction of a life partner is much more than the basis of his/her smell. In fact, it was impossible for me to fall in love with my fiancé based on smell as we met through ICQ on the Internet. It was impossible for smell to play any part in our meeting. Our relationship was based on character and friendship which later developed into love. You can say we met each other and we just clicked ;-) (pun intended) {by the way, we are getting married next month.}

So, the point is that erotic love is not a deep meaningful love but superficial and based on sexual attractiveness only.

2) Storge:

This type of love is what we find in families between the different members. It is the love of mother, father, brothers and sisters. This is a much stronger type of love and involves commitment. “Blood is thicker than water” and most people will do all they can to stand behind their families.

3) Philia:

This type of love is pertaining to what we might call a brotherly love. Not brotherly in the sense of family, but in the sense of kinsmenship. This is the type of love that makes us want to help the little old lady cross the street safely and watch out for our fellow man. It is a good type of love and helps us to see others as needing our love but, sadly, it can often also be a selfish love. Many people only show love to others if they can get something out of it.  Thankfully, most people love out of pure motives.

4)Agape:

The fourth type of love is called Agape love. This is the highest form of love there is. This is an unconditional love for others in spite of their character flaws and weaknesses. It is a difficult love to obtain simply because we, as humans, are usually concerned more with ourselves and how the world and people around us affect us. In order to love in the agape way, we must overcome our selfishness and look to the needs of others. Prime examples of this type of love are people like Mother Theresa, Cardinal Leger etc. These are people who look out for others interests above their own. It is a special kind of love that needs to be cultivated for it to grow. We can only achieve this type of unselfish loving as we put the needs of others as a priority.

Without getting religious here, I just want to tell you there is a verse from the Bible that fits well with this concept. It is called the Golden Rule. Luke 10:27, says “Love your neighbour as yourself” and "Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets." -Matthew 7:12 . All relgions of the world share in this same philosophy.

One thing that stuck out to me as I read these is that it says to love your neighbor as yourself. Sadly, many people in this day and age, don’t love themselves. If you don’t love yourself how can you love others? Unconditional love needs to start with you. You must learn to accept the fact that you are a special and unique person. Yes you have flaws, we are all human, but these flaws do not make you less of a person. Learn to love yourself in spite of your shortcomings and accept yourself for who you are. As you love yourself you will find it easier to love others.

The second thing that stands out is that the Golden rule says to do what you want others to do to you. This is not the same as “Don’t do to others what you don’t want them to do to you.” It is not a position of avoiding doing evil or harming others but an actual DOING of something for others. This requires action on your part. It says “DO unto others”. It is when we realize that we reap the rewards of love as we involve ourselves in the lives of others, making their lives easier and more pleasant, as we would want our own lives to be.

Enjoy the month of Love and remember always to love yourself and to DO something for someone each day.

This article is bought to you by Sharron Myers
Sharron Myers has been a teacher of Spiritual Truth for over 30 years. She also is a Certified Aromatherapist and Personal Development Consultant. Be sure to check out her site: http://www.sharron-myers.com

To Live the Life You Want, Learn the Skills You Needhttp://www.sharron-myers.com

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Rejection is Love's greatest Enemy (By Sharmila Sanka)

2008-06-10T10:57:00.001-07:00

What if the Ocean rejects the rivers from merging with it? What if the Mother rejects her children and their Love? What if nature rejects the humanity? What if God rejects the devotion of His children? If the above are to take place, the world will go topsy-turvy. It is astonishing and abnormal for all the above to reject. It is not their nature. The thin invisible thread in all of them is Love. Rejection is the greatest enemy of Love.

To reject a person is easy but to love a being, it takes enormous willingness, humility and egoless attitude. No being deserves rejection on this earth. If one thinks he needs to be deserted for his sins, every human being deserves to be alone. To err is human. To blame it on someone else is not. When you point out one finger towards others, remember there are four fingers pointing towards you and your mistakes. If every being minded his or her own business, this earth would turn into Heaven.

It is not impossible but very much practicable to forgive and love the person who you think deserves to be rejected. Firstly, think for yourself how many blunders and mistakes you have done all your life. Let alone life, count your mistakes in a day and then multiply them with 365. There will be countless mistakes in just one year. Imagine the mistakes made in all the past years? It is then you will realize your mountain of sins hiding in heaps. We think it is natural for us to make mistakes at that point of time. But isn’t it natural for the other person too to make mistakes? Why are you not ready to accept him with the same feeling you forgave yourself? When you develop oneness with all the beings around you, you will never ever reject a being in your life.

Learn to forgive the people whom you assume as enemies. Hate the hatred and not the person. Hate the sin but not the sinner. If possible, help him overcome his weakness and mistakes. If you try to correct the person, he will be careful not to make mistake only in your presence. But if you correct the sins or his mistakes, he will never repeat them before any person in his life.

God gives and forgives; Man gets and forgets. Man is the creation of God and so ought to remain embodiment of forgiveness. But he is acting in the opposite. When God is willing to forgive our greatest sins, why can’t we try to forgive our enemies? No person is worthy of rejection. In turn, reject his negative attitude and try to change him towards good. Lead a life as his brother as you are all children of God.

Life is a rainbow of different colors. Even if we don’t like any color, we can’t separate it from the rainbow. Similarly life is a mixture of different tastes and various personalities we come across. Some are sweet and some are bitter. Yet life has to go on with all of them within it. Man is a boat sinking and floating with sorrow and happiness in the ocean of Life. They are inseparable. Man is born to accept whatever life bestows on him; not to reject. When he learns to accept all beings in his shadow of Love, there will be God at the other end of his Life’s journey just waiting to accept him in his heart bubbling with grace and love which confers endless bliss on Man.

“Rejection is the outcome of the contraction of your heart where as Love is the outcome of its expansion.”- Sharmila Sanka

About the Author

With pride that I have been blessed with a human form, I always craved to grab any opportunity in order to utilize this human birth to the fullest and at last I found the answer to my craving mind and it was no other than ‘Spirituality.’

My little heart panged for the desire to quench my thirst of ‘releasing the heaviness’ which resided inside of it since years. It hungered after the soul within asking to reveal more of life – Materialistic and Spiritual in the form of Articles and Quotations which had the sole purpose of sharing it with other human beings not for name or fame but to tame this little mind towards the higher goal of ‘Global Peace’ on this earth plane.

Sharmila Sanka
3910 SW Sycamore Street
Bentonville, AR 72712
USA
479-271-8278
sharmilasanka@yahoo.com

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Love and Life for Men and Women? (By Sheryl Keyworth)

2008-06-10T10:56:00.003-07:00

Love is a wide variety of beliefs. When I was young, all I wanted was to fall in love, get married, have children, and live the all American dream. "You know, the white picket fence and nice home, neighborhood, etc.."

YOU really believe in your head this is what will happen for you. Boy, does LIFE throw you some curves. I believe if you have children, they should not be brought up thinking this is how life really is, with all picket fences and such. Life is hard. You get what you work for. It is just not handed to you on a silver platter. Even people with all the money in the world can build a picket fence, but, it doesn't mean they can buy True Love.

True love comes from the heart and you can only hope that life sends you that one special someone, that is meant just for you.

Even when you find that special someone, don't think LIFE is a barrel of fun. It has alot of up and downs, good and bad, sickness and health. You are with this person for life, hopefully. They can tend to get on your nerves every once and awhile. Prepare yourself. "Really!!"

Think before you leap. "That is my two cents on the matter!"
Thank you for listening and reading my article.

Sheryl Keyworth-Specializing in sexual health for men and women. Affordableenhancement products. Lots of content and free erotic articles.http://www.sherylsenhancementboutique.com

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Never Get Married Because You're In Love (By David LeVine)

2008-06-10T10:56:00.001-07:00

I’ll repeat that. Never get married because you’re in love.

Sounds crazy?

It’s not.

Let me tell you why.

Ever been to a single’s bar? Mosey on over to the one nearest you and watch what happens. When a man approaches a woman in a singles’ bar – or a woman approaches a man – they each know exactly one thing about the other: how they look. She’s attracted to him, he’s attracted to her. And that physical chemistry forms the basis of whatever relationship may or may not develop. Now, they may think they’re in love. But in fact, they are simply infatuated with each other.

Here’s one to remember: Chemistry ignites the fire, but character keeps it burning. Chemistry – physical attraction – is not something to be ignored. But a deeply loving relationship based on mutual respect cannot stand on chemistry alone. That can only happen with someone whose character you can value and appreciate.

The best way (actually, the only way) to have a lasting relationship is to really look at the quality of the person you’re dating. That means being on the lookout for specific character traits, both positive and negative. The top four qualities to look for are humility, kindness, responsibility and happiness.

Humility. What is humility? Well, it is not being a doormat. Letting people walk all over you is not necessarily a sign of humility. It’s a sign of weakness.

Humble people are not weak. Humble people want to do the right thing rather than their thing, and that takes a lot of confidence and inner strength.

Someone who is humble will put values above convenience.

They can accept criticism without being defensive, because they’re committed to personal growth rather than to comfort.

A humble person will not get angry easily, because they don’t feel that anybody owes them anything. That’s the reason they also tend not to be materialistic.

Now, you may think that the above description applies only to angels. And it would be a mistake to narrow your search down to someone who has mastered all of the above qualities that go along with humility. Nobody’s perfect. But you should look for someone who values humility and is striving to achieve it. At the very least, ask yourself if the person you’re dating is arrogant. You definitely do not want to marry an arrogant person who feels that people owe him or her the world.

Kindness. Kindness is more than just being a nice person. If you ask most engaged couples if their intended spouse is kind, they’ll probably say yes. But the divorce rate is over 50%. If everybody is so kind, then why is the divorce rate so high? Because although people think that they’re kind, they really lack a depth of kindness.

So, what’s kindness? Being a kind person means being a giver, someone who’s committed to giving pleasure and minimizing other people's pain. If two people like this get married, they are much less likely to suffer serious problems in their relationship. That’s because each one is dedicated to the other’s well-being.

How do you know if someone is truly a kind person? Look at how they treat the other people in their lives. How do they treat their parents, siblings and grandparents? Do they feel a sense of gratitude to their parents? If not, what makes you think they’ll feel any sort of gratitude towards you after you’re married?

Watch how they treat the "little people" towards whom they have no obligations – waiters, busboys, doormen, secretaries. How do they treat their employees? What’s their business reputation like? Are they ruthless?

Does the person you’re dating do volunteer work? If not, do they give charity? If the answer to both questions is no, that isn't a good sign.

Do they drive courteously? What happens when they drink, when they lose control a little bit? How do they act?

Take note of the answers to these questions. Write them down so that you’ll have a whole picture in front of you when you need to make a decision about whether or not to continue a relationship.

Responsibility. First thing, ask yourself: Is this person irresponsible? If the answer is yes, be careful. You do not want to marry an irresponsible person. If your first, off the cuff answer is no, then check them out.

Do they have a stable work history? Do they have stable friendships? Do they have long-term friendships, or do they need to move around a lot?

Ask yourself: Can you rely on this person? Do you feel safe and secure with them? Another good question is to ask yourself is if you can trust what the other person says. Do they stand behind what they say? Do they live up to their commitments?

Happiness. You might be stumped on that one. Since when is happiness a character trait?

That all depends on how you define happiness. A happy person is someone who is basically content, who focuses on what they have, not on what they don’t have.

Life has no guarantees. Anyone can be dealt a hard blow. But a person who is internally happy will be able to get past life’s obstacles, whereas someone who is constantly focused on the negative will have a much harder time. And you want to be married to someone who can smile at life.

So remember: Never get married just because you’re in love - focus on character, not on chemistry. Look for a quality person to share your life with, someone humble, kind, responsible and happy.

You deserve no less!

David LeVine, the director of Warm Wisdom Press, works on publishing projects that bring more happiness into the world. http://www.warmwisdompress.com/dating/

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Are You Too Obsessed with Pursuing Love with Single Women? (By Don Diebel)

2008-06-10T10:55:00.001-07:00

Are you aware that you can become so obsessed about finding a girlfriend that it can backfire on you?

You can get so preoccupied with the concept of finding someone special to change the way you feel about yourself in a positive way. If this is the way you feel, then you may have an underlying problem with your self-image. That being the case, work on yourself instead of trying to find a relationship with single women that will miraculously heal your self-image.

One thing that can really hurt you in your pursuit of single women is trying too hard. When you try too hard you tend to come across as desperate, overly anxious to get involved with someone, appear depressed, etc.

This can really scare women away when you try too hard. You will do much better when you feel relaxed and self-confident when meeting and approaching single women.

So, in closing, it's best not to become overly obsessed in finding someone to love. Another drawback to this mentality is you will tend to lose interest in other important areas of your life. Your friendships may suffer, you may stop enjoying your hobbies, become reclusive, depressed, give up your recreational activities, etc. You need to live a well-rounded life filled with lots of social activities, sports, reading, meditation, vacations, etc. and not spend all your time getting depressed because you don't have someone special in your life. Be patient, my friend, and before you know it, you can meet the love of your life.

This article written by Don Diebel (Americas #1 Singles Expert). If you would like more free dating tips on how to successfully meet, date, attract, and become intimate with women, please visit his website at: http://www.getgirls.com.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Don_Diebel

Love Advice for Single Men (By Don Diebel)

2008-06-10T10:54:00.002-07:00

This week let's talk about love. It's one of the most wonderful experiences on earth. It has its positives and its negatives and it's not all roses sometimes.

I want to give you some advice about love and how to handle love.

Let's get one misconception about love out of the way first of all. Don't fall into the trap thinking that love will solve all your problems and make your life perfect. And don't get into the rut of thinking that your life is incomplete without love and you must be involved in a relationship to be happy. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Some guys make the mistake of thinking that being single is terrible and being in a relationship is the only way to feel complete and happy. This is just not true. You can be just as happy single as you can being coupled. It's entirely up to you!

Some more love advice is to not look at love through rose-colored glasses thinking a good relationship is only characterized by walks along the beach, gazing into each other's eyes, wild and intense sex all the time, holding hands all the time, romantic dinners, kissing all the time, etc.

What I'm trying to say is to not get too worked up and overly romantic about love. If you do, you could be in for a rude awakening about love when it does finally come your way. You see, all this heavy romance in the soap operas and movies. Well my friend, in real life it's just not that way most of the time.

After the initial infatuation wears off, then the reality of love sets in. Things aren't as intense and once you get to know each other, your faults and bad habits come out. And of course, you now have to work at maintaining your relationship. You have to keep the fires burning so to speak. During the infatuation stage things happened so naturally and you were in another world. Now, you have to put in a lot of effort to keep that love strong.

In closing, love is what makes the world go around. Cherish it when it comes around and while it lasts. If it doesn't last, then bury it in your past and move on. I'm a firm believer in this statement: "It is better to have loved and lost at love than to have never loved at all." Memorize this statement and make it your own personal creed.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Don_Diebel

The Word 'Love' is Overused (By Gary Hess)

2008-06-10T10:54:00.001-07:00

The word 'love' is used in many different situations. The word is defined as an extreme affection towards someone or something; however this is not the case in which it is used by most.

People tend to use the word just the same as any other. No actual meaning to it -- it seems that whenever someone says 'I love you' they don’t actually mean it. The meaning I LOVE YOU has now shrunk to a simple I love you. It has lost its significance, its shnaz!

I hear young people saying it all the time, fourteen, fifteen year olds telling it to each other like candy. It should be something special, not something you throw out at somebody who you’ve only known a week or two.

Love is developed over a long period of time. Yes, there are those few cases of 'love at first site' but this is a very rare occurrence and shouldn’t be someone’s first priority to claim their love the first moment they see them.

Love is when you would do anything to be able to see this person. It is when you jump in front of a car and push your love out of the way to save their life. It is when you can’t stand one moment without him/her. It is when you think about him/her the first moment you wake up and the last second before you sleep at night. Love can not be duplicated. Love is love and everything else.

You can not claim you love someone unless you have that special feeling deep down whenever you see that person. You feel lifted off your feet and have all your fears taken away.

The word should not be thrown around like a piece of meet, but preserved for that special someone who will not leave you for another woman or man and would do anything for you to be with them and you the same.

Save the word for the right person. Preserve the meaning of love and use it towards those who deserve it.

Gary R. Hess is the owner and writer of love poetry.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Gary_Hess

Love Advice: Most Women Don't Want A Fling (By Tonja Weimer)

2008-06-10T10:53:00.000-07:00

Are you over the age of 35 and looking for a life partner? Do you want a committed relationship rather than a fling?

Most clients come to coaching looking for a permament, lasting relationship, but are confused about the conflicting messages they receive from dating partners.

There are questions you can ask and signs that you can look for that will tell you if a man is serious about love.

What are the questions you should ask?

Very early in the dating relationship, you need to ask the person what they want and how they envision their life in the future. Most people will tell you the truth. If someone says they aren't ready for a committed relationship, believe them. If they tell you they have had multiple marriages or partners, ask what kind of personal growth venues they have sought in order to understand their behavior and patterns.

What if you meet someone on the Internet?

Lots of great people have met each other on the Internet. However, without knowing the history of someone, and without knowing their friends and family, you need a certain length of time before you really understand them. Take a year to see them with their close acquaintances and family, and go through the holidays to get a clear picture of who they are. Along with that information, ask the person about their dating and relationship history.

What are some of the warning signs that someone has no intention of ever being committed?

Unfounded jealousy is often a sign that he is doing something that he is not proud of. Other signs are, if he does not want to take you to meet his friends and family; if he does not want to talk about his work; he is always late; and if he can't give you a commitment about what you will be doing next week.

No one is perfect nor is anyone expected to be. But how your potential love interest responds to your questions; what he does with his life; and what values he lives by, speak loudly to the commitment issue.

It is important that you understand and believe that you deserve a commitment if you want one. Women who are in committed relationships are in them because they insisted upon it. They were not willing to drift along, accepting less than what they wanted to give and have.

Meeting the love of your life takes work. Don't give up. He's out there. And...you don't have to settle for a fling.

Visit http://www.tonjaweimer.com or http://www.singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tonja_Weimer

How do You Know When a Man is in Love (By Caroline Therancy)

2008-06-08T13:36:00.002-07:00

When he starts picking you over his friends. He will spend a quiet Friday night with you instead of playing poker or going for a drink only with his friends.

When he seems to be overjoyed when he meets her and when he spends time with you.

When he gradually welcomes her feminine stuff in his house; her special soap in the bathroom, her earrings on the table and her tampons in the bathroom.

He makes long term plan about sharing his activities with her. He will make sure that his girlfriend can participate in his social activities.

When he never really thought about getting married or having children and he wants those things with her

He will take care of himself financially, physically and spiritually to make her feel secure and happy.

He will wake up before her and makes sure that she is okay, wonders if she is hungry, checks to see if she is warm enough or if she would need anything else.

He constantly tries to impress her; he will pick her up and brings her home, brings her food, offers to pay for some activities, gives her surprises…

Other temptations are not a threat. He is just not interested in any of those distractions

She will have no doubt in her mind. She won’t need to ask. She will feel it in her guts. If she doesn’t, and still remains with him, she is settling for less

Who is Caroline? She is a growing expert on love, relationship, romance because she is reading a lot on the subject. She is gladly sharing her knowledge and experience. To continue receiving tips subscribe free to her newsletter at http://www.everydaybetterliving.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Caroline_Therancy

Love Is a State-of-Mind: Six Tips to Find It (By Ronnie Ann Ryan)

2008-06-08T13:36:00.001-07:00

Do you remember the last time you were in love? Think back to the very beginning with all the excitement, tingles, energy and amazement. When you fall in love – the world looks more beautiful, life’s flaws disappear, you feel vibrantly alive, and the possibilities seem endless. Love is much more than two people together in relationship. Love is truly a state-of-mind.

If you are in the process of looking for love, putting this important concept to work for you can make all the difference. Sometimes frustration can creep into your search which can cause your energy and attitude to plummet. The Universal Law of Attraction states “Like attracts like.” That means it’s a lot easier to find love if you are a loving person and maintain a loving state-of-mind.

So how can someone create a loving state-of-mind prior to finding the real thing? Here are six, powerful tips to help achieve a positive outlook. Some ideas will improve self-love, while others enhance your attitude. See what appeals to you and put it to work to keep your spirits up and lovable.

1) Create an Altar Dedicated to Love

Designate a sacred space and adorn it with a pair of pink candles, heart shaped items, a framed picture of lovers from myth, movies or literature. You choose the symbols with the most meaning for you. Have fun with this task. When you look at your completed arrangement, it should instantly elicit warm, loving feelings and reinforce that finding love is really possible.

2) Heighten Your Feminine Charm

Wear perfume, sexy underclothes or makeup to heighten your feminine charm. Put on your favorite outfit to feel fabulous. Get your nails done, have a facial or massage or try an aromatherapy session. Take a bubble or scented bath, light the room with candles and play soothing or romantic music. Indulge in whatever makes you feel more alluring.

3) Focus on Your Best Features

Select your best feature, focus on on it daily and be grateful for its beauty. Every woman, without exception, has her own unique beauty and reason to be loved. Do you have beautiful eyes, sensuous lips, delicate hands, curvaceous hips or walk with a graceful step? Celebrate what makes you beautiful to build your self-esteem.

4) Practice Abundant Thinking

Notice the number of stars in the night sky, grains of sand at the beach, blades of grass in your lawn (or any where there’s a patch) leaves on a single tree, or even cars on a traffic-jammed highway. Look for situations or items that are too numerous to count, because they provide excellent evidence that the universe is an incredibly abundant place. When you feel abundant, you feel more generous and realize it’s safe to share what you have, because there will always be more!

5) Think Loving Thoughts and Open Your Heart

Try smiling at someone who catches your eye, letting a person cut in front of you in the grocery store checkout, allow a car to leave a four-way stop ahead of you even if you were there first, etc. These random acts of kindness shift your energy, and transform your life experience. This generosity of spirit might not be rewarded directly, but will come back to you, even if it’s just to maintain an elevated mood.

6) Find a Reason to Laugh at Least Once a Day

No matter what is happening in your life, there is always something to smile about if you take the time to connect with it. Some reasons might include: being healthy, employed, good weather, your favorite season, a happy memory, an upcoming vacation, friendship, family, a nice home, etc. Make a list of what is good and get in the habit of noticing what is going right with your world.

Don’t feel you have to try all of these methods, but know that the more time you spend lifting your spirits and maintaining a positive self-image and outlook, the better your chances of feeling good and attracting the love your desire. At the very least, you’ll enjoy whatever you do a whole lot more. Knowing love is a state-of-mind, makes it possible for everyone to experience it.

Visit http://www.NeverTooLate.biz for savvy dating strategies to help you find the love you want and deserve. You can subscribe to the f*r*e*e bi-weekly newsletter and check out the book MANifesting Mr. Right: It’s Never Too Late to Find the Love You Want by Dating Coach and expert Ronnie Ann Ryan.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ronnie_Ann_Ryan

Love Notes: Are You Deceiving Yourself? (By Deb Melton)

2008-06-08T13:35:00.002-07:00

“Nothing is easier than self deceit.” Anonymous

Think about it. Have you ever deceived yourself? That is, somewhere inside you know what is true and yet you deny it. Maybe it has to do with your career. You know you are not satisfied with your performance or that you have out grown your work and yet you don’t take any action to change. Or it might be in the area of a relationship, where you enjoy the person and have fun together, but you know there is something missing.

When we feel this discontent, one question to ask is, “Am I really putting my whole self into this? Or is there a part of me that is holding back?”

At times it is a lack of full commitment that keeps us from experiencing that fullness of life. And sometimes it is that we have put ourselves in a situation that is not congruent with our vision and values of who we really are. Do you have a vision for your life? Can you clearly state that vision if someone were to ask you? Many people are vague about their vision and so they choose careers or lovers that do not fit with their vision. Then they wonder why things don’t seem to go well or why they feel empty.

If you find that you are having trouble getting committed to something, here are some questions to ask yourself.

- What am I really passionate about? If you are really passionate something then commitment is usually not a problem. It’s when we are trying to make ourselves care more about something than we really do, that we have trouble getting committed.

- What will I miss out on if I don’t do this?

- What will it cost me if I don’t move forward now?

- How will if effect me spiritually, emotionally, physically and financially if I don’t get in touch with my passion?

- If I do identify and act on my passions, how will I feel about myself?

- What kind of momentum could I have if I go for it?

- How much happier could I be if I were making concrete strides toward what I am passionate about?

When you live your life from your true passion and purpose, things seem to fall into place. People and opportunities show up at the right time. Doors open. You feel happy and content, yet have energy that fuels you forward. Don’t live in self deceit any longer. Go for your dreams!

Deb Melton, Singles Coach and Certified Fearless Living Coach lives in Denver and coaches singles all over the country to help them find their soulmate. Deb's philosophy is, “It’s never too late to find the love of your life and live the life you love! Deb also offers teleclasses and seminars on a variety of subjects for singles of all ages. Whether you have never been married or you are recently divorced, Deb's coaching and classes are interactive, fun and full of helpful information. Go to her website to learn more http://www.denversinglescoach.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Deb_Melton

Love Can't Grow in the Shade (By Deb Melton)

2008-06-08T13:35:00.001-07:00

"Don't smother each other. No one can grow in the shade."
~Leo Buscaglia

Relationships are living things. And like all living things they need the proper kind of love, attention, and space in which to grow. Relationships are either growing or dying at any given time. That is the nature of life. So if you want your relationship to grow and keep growing, whether you have been together for 20 years or 20 minutes, here are a few guidelines you may want to consider.

First is love. Even if you have just met this person, everyone is looking for love and very few of us get enough of it. Yet love is the essence of all life. Love is what newborns need as much as food and shelter in order to grow and thrive. As adults, we are no different. So what is love and how do you give it away? Love can come by showing unconditional positive regard for another. Some would call it respect, yet it is more than respect. Love is also conveyed with warmth, acceptance and appreciation. You can show this by giving a smile, offering a compliment or a touch. The extent and intimacy of these gestures, of course, will depend on how close the relationship is. If you are in a long term committed relationship or marriage, don't neglect this step. Some feel that if they are married, they have made the commitment and don't have to continue to show their partner love through small gestures of affection, compliments, and saying "I love you" daily. Yet this is essential if your relationship is to continue to grow and deepen its roots.

Next is attention. Relationships need attention. It is important to spend time together on a regular and consistent basis. Most people lead very busy and stress filled lives. I hear from my clients all the time, "I just don't have the time!" Yet what I have found is that we all make time for what is truly important to us. So ask yourself, "Is my relationship with this person important enough to me to give it my time?" And how much time is necessary? That is a question only you and the other person can decide. But it is important to ask that question and not assume that you are giving enough time to your partner. The test is, does your partner feel that the amount of time and the quality of that time is enough? Have that discussion, and adjust from there.

Last is space. This is the one that can easily be overlooked. Sometimes when you first get into a relationship with someone you really like and are attracted to, you may want to be with that person all the time! This can be a killer of relationships. If you smother your new love or expect their constant undivided attention, the relationship will die. No one can survive and be healthy in such a setting. It is fine to have interests in common, yet it is equally important to maintain individual interest and friends, as well as time and space to be alone. Even if it seems like you both want to spend ALL your free time together, make a conscious effort to not fall into that trap. Set aside some time to be away form each other. It will make the time you do spend together richer and you will be a more interesting and well rounded person as a result.

So it doesn't matter if you are in a new relationship, or a long term one, these simple guidelines will help keep your relationship vital, alive and growing, bring you satisfaction and fulfillment for years to come!

Are you getting the love you want? Are you living outrageously? Are you as happy as you want to be? You might consider hiring a coach. Many of my clients have found that the support of a coach can make the difference between living well and just getting by.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Deb_Melton

Love Notes: The Date to Mate Trap (By Deb Melton)

2008-06-08T13:34:00.002-07:00

“The Date to Mate trap is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. OK, so it doesn’t quite fit, but it’s close enough.” David Steele, author of Conscious Dating, Finding the Love of Your Life in Today’s World.

The Date to Mate Trap is one that is easy to fall into when you are looking for a serious relationship and not just dating for fun. I have a client who called me over the weekend, very upset with the man she has been seeing for just over 3 weeks. “We went to a party on Saturday and it just didn’t feel right. He said he was tired and wanted to leave around 11. He’s been staying over the last few times we’ve been out and this time he said no he was going home! I was really upset because I was expecting him to stay over. But there are other things that bother me too. He just isn’t opening himself up to me the way I want. He’s not interested in my work, which is very important to me and he’s not interested in any kind of spirituality either. I feel like I have to drag stuff out of him. The conversation is so superficial. I’m really frustrated with this relationship!”

She had clearly fallen into the Date to Mate Trap! The Date to Mate Trap happens when you meet someone and within a short period of time, 2-3 weeks, become a couple. You start sleeping together and it becomes almost assumed that you will spend weekends together and connect several times in between. In other words, it’s like a relationship!

But the problem is you don’t really know this person well enough yet for a real relationship to have developed naturally. Because you want a committed relationship, you get into one with everyone you go out with who you like, or have some things in common. This can result in needing to solve unsolveable problems. An unsolveable problem is when one of your requirements or needs cannot be met in this relationship. Yet you have already, prematurely, decided to make this relationship work. This results in a lot of frustration for both people and usually leads to relationship failure.

In my Soulmate Success Training, I help you identify your requirements, needs and wants very clearly. When you uncover what’s usually hidden, that is, what are those things that really allow you to be your best self and feel loved and cared for in a relationship, when you know that, you can then use that information to test a potential partner while you are dating, before you actually get into an relationship. Then you will not be tempted to try and form a relationship with everyone you go out with to see if it works. You have a method, a system that allows you to date consciously and avoid the heartache and frustration of trying to make a relationship work.

Karen, my client, had taken Soulmate Success Training, so I asked her which one of her requirements was she ignoring in an effort to make this relationship work. She was stunned! She hadn’t realized that she was doing that! I also asked her how she had managed to let herself get carried away so quickly after only a few weeks. It turned out that the Chemistry Trap was playing here too.

As we talked, Karen began to see that John did not fit all her requirements. He fit most of them and many of her needs and quite a few of her wants, which were just icing on the cake, but without all her requirements in place she was running up against some unsolveable problems which were causing her a lot of anguish.

Now that she saw what was happening, it was easy to decide what to do. She realized that John was not a fit long term. She could date him for fun, which means not be exclusive and probably forego the sleepovers, or she could let him go and move on, thereby being available for the one who would fit all her requirements. Either way she knew she had to talk with him and let him know what was going on for her. That’s what being a conscious dater is all about. The other person is not wrong for not being able to meet your requirements and needs and you are not wrong for having those particular requirements and needs. It just isn’t a fit.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Deb_Melton

Love: If It's the Right Relationship, Shouldn't It Flow Smoothly? (By Ronnie Ann Ryan)

2008-06-08T13:34:00.001-07:00

Leslie, an attractive, divorced redhead in her late 30’s was having trouble meeting quality men. She started dating coaching with me and within four weeks she met not one, but two really good prospects. Jeff and Sam were both very nice men who met much of her “Mr. Right” criteria.

Time to Choose

After several weeks, Leslie felt it was time to make a choice. She was more attracted to Jeff and felt a warm connection to this sweet man with whom she had a lot in common. While she did have some concerns, compared to Sam who traveled a lot, Jeff seemed like the better match.

She decided to broach the subject of dating others with Jeff and find out what his expectations were. Jeff had taken down his Match profile, but Leslie wasn’t sure about anything else.

The Talk

Leslie handled bringing up the subject brilliantly, asking Jeff if he thought they should continue seeing others. She admitted she was dating Sam who had let her know up front that he only dated one woman at a time. Jeff stated that he didn’t want to date anyone else and wasn’t thrilled that Leslie was. But he also wasn’t ready to for a serious relationship. Yet, he was visibly shaken by the conversation and perplexed about how to proceed.

Leslie was understanding, but said if the timing wasn’t right, perhaps she should move on to find someone who was ready. This wasn’t an easy conversation for Leslie, but she felt very firm in her desire to find a man who was relationship ready. Jeff asked for two weeks to get clear and they parted amicably, agreeing to discuss this further.

His Response

The next day, Jeff emailed Leslie (he called first and left a message) admitting that he cared for her deeply which is something he hadn’t planned on. He had hoped they would date casually. But the idea of her seeing someone else helped crystallize his feelings. He had been confused about love from his marriage and post-divorce dating and acknowledged that he usually responded slowly to emotional matters.

Next, he went into a romantic description of why he liked her and finished up with a tear–jerking pronouncement of his love for Leslie. (My eyes welled up to as I read the email Leslie forwarded!)

Leslie felt uncertain about what to do. She felt that love should flow more easily and was concerned that this seemed to be too difficult. Here’s my persepctive on their exchange:

The Good News

It seems to me that Jeff bared his soul to Leslie, telling her how he feels and giving her important clues about how he makes decisions and reacts to things.

Should things go more smoothly between people if it’s the right relationship? What in life goes smoothly? Once you’ve been married and maybe even children are involved, there is baggage which takes time to work through. It’s just a fact of life.

But, here’s the good news - Jeff was pretty quick to come around compared to how he thinks of himself. He may hate to change course, but he did it FAST. After all, he only took ONE day.

My bet is Jeff didn’t really believe he’d find someone like Leslie. After “The Talk” and his discovery about competition, he had to re-evaluate his plan or risk losing her.

Deepening the Relationship

I am also a firm believer that situations like this strengthen a relationship or break it apart. This is the “first bump in the road.” Bumps are important to move a relationship to deeper levels of intimacy.

Of course, Jeff still bears observing and data gathering. But Leslie has now entered the exclusivity stage, enabling her to test their long-term relationship potential. Congratulations to Leslie for standing strong for what she wants, getting through the “first bump” and moving forward to finding the love she wants!

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Ronnie_Ann_Ryan

10 Simple Ways to Say, "I Love You" (By Rondi Davis and Janell Oakes)

2008-06-08T13:33:00.002-07:00

We’re teaching our kids to be consumers at an early age. Look at the number of superhero and product endorsement Valentines on the store shelves.

We, as parents, are sucked in by the media to believe that we need the latest, greatest gadget or fad for our kids.

Share your love by giving of your time, not your pocketbook. What can you give your kids instead?

Here are 10 simple suggestions:

1. Slip a handmade valentine or a simple note into your child's lunch box.

2. Take a walk together in the woods or your favorite park.

3. Jot down a line from your favorite poem. Share it with family members.

4. Kiss your kids goodnight.

5. Read a chapter book together.

6. Have family dinnertime together.

7. Turn off the TV. Have a pizza night and rent and watch a movie together.

8. Have a picnic in the park after the soccer game instead of stopping for a fast meal on the way home.

9. Have each family member write down one reason why they appreciate every other family member. Write your reasons on a tag and use ribbon to attach them to a batch of your favorite cookies. Let every family member find his own special cookies.

10. Help your kids write a letter to a family member who lives far away. Write the first few lines of a story and instruct the recipient to write the next, and then return the letter. Your story can continue indefinitely.

About the Authors Janell Oakes and Rondi Davis are co-authors of the award winning book, Together: Creating Family Traditions. They want to give you the most important gift you can give your family. You can be a part of an irresistible offer available for one day only.
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My First Love - My Teacher (By Arvind Katoch)

2008-06-08T13:33:00.001-07:00

I remember those days when I was in six standard. This is very tender age in all angles and a child is not much grown emotionally at this stage. Same was true for me at that age. I was not very clear about love and sex. I had never experienced love for any girl. All the girls in my class were same for me as boys. There was no restriction on sitting with them. We play with them and some time even touches them also. However never any feeling of love or sex came in my mind.

Every thing was going smoothly, one day a beautiful English teacher came to our class. She was our new English teacher. This was her first assignment. She had recently passed her masters in English. She was approximately 22-23 years old. Her body is average type. She was a clear example of how a beautiful and adult woman should be like. Her every body part is in mature state. This was my first experience of seeing a so beautiful woman. I could clearly see a huge difference between her and the girls of my class.

She started taking our class. I first time in my life had seen some kind of attraction for a girl. A strange feeling started taking over me. Whenever I seen her then I likes to see her even more. Dreams of her started coming in to my mind. I started attending her class and doing work given by her more seriously. I wanted to come in her favorite’s lists. I felt bad when some one talks to her. Day by day my madness for her started growing. I wanted to be remaining more and more with her.

I started dreaming of marrying her. These were my true feeling first time for some one and some kind sexual attraction was also present in it. I had first time realized the difference between a man and woman. I wanted to touch her and sleep with her. I wanted that she should take over all of my responsibilities. She made food for me, wash my cloths and remain with me for ever. These are unknown feelings which had gripped me. I had never encountered them before.

One day came when she gave us a test and told us that she would give surprise gift to the topper. I don’t want to lose this opportunity. I worked very hard for the test and stood first in it. Will announcing the numbers she came near to me and kissed on my face. For some minutes I was in sky. For me this was like winning a big battle. With this my feeling for her become stronger. Feeling of her lips on my face was making me mad. I started wanting to kiss her also.

One month before our exams news came that my favorite teacher is going to married this week and see would now never come again to school. I felt like that some one had taken ground away from my feet. My dreams were looked shattered to me. I felt very bad about the guy who was going to marry my teacher. First time a desire to grow early and propose her arises in me. However with the passage of days everything starts coming into normal. Again I became a normal child. But defiantly she was able to teach me the difference between a woman and girl.

http://www.geocities.com/arvindkatoch1
http://thoughts-of-a-ordinary-man.blogspot.com/

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The Best Retaliation is Love (By Carla Rieger)

2008-06-08T13:32:00.001-07:00

"A nation cannot be attacked unless we are also the enemy"

If there is a positive side to the tragedy of terrorist attacks, it may be the motivation to look inside, reflect, and cherish the moment. In our hectic North American lives, many of us rarely take the time for these precious endeavors. Terrorist attacks occur not just between cultures, but between communities, individuals, and within the human psyche, as well. Whether an organization of people hi-jack airplanes, or an executive steals from the company, or a co-worker perpetuates mean-spirited gossip, or an individual practices self-criticism - all these actions contribute to the energy of terror. The Universal Law of Attraction states that what you judge, controls you. What you judge, you breed, attract and become. When you judge yourself or others, lay blame, or act out of vengeance, you are adding to the world vibration of terrorism. We are all responsible for what happened last week, and really accepting that responsibility can help stop it.

That said, it is human nature to judge, blame, and be vengeful. There is always the trap of becoming judgmental of those who judge. We all can succumb to it. However, each moment we have a choice to come from love and compassion instead. There are email letters, minister's sermons, and negotiator’s discussions imploring us to act from wisdom not rage, to find justice not revenge. Yet to rise past the level of judgement, and vengeance is no easy feat especially for those of us with unresolved childhood wounds. We can however use an opportunity like this to transform the negativity, to use it as our soil from which to create something new and beautiful.

Let us study the patterns of human interaction on both the macrocosmic and microcosmic levels. In the field of conflict resolution, we can identify the "terrorist" attack as a huge call for help - whether it is on a grand or small scale. If we listen and validate the core feelings of our so-called "enemy", we have won half the battle. Some would say these actions come from pure evil, the leaders of terrorist groups have no conscience, and to validate their perspective is to sanction their behavior. It is imperative to differentiate perspectives from actions. Though there may be sociopathic individuals among terrorist groups, the majority of them are people who just want the same things we all want – love, respect, safety. If we want it from them, let us give it in return. Once both sides of a battle feel validated, only then we can begin to access our creativity, and find mutually satisfying solutions.

Many of us are asking how we can help the larger situation in the world. Above and beyond giving blood, money, flowers, prayers, and listening, there is another option. Meditate and/or journal for 20 minutes each day on inner peace. That may sound like a trite answer, but I believe it is the foundation to everything else we say we want. There is an old African proverb that states it succinctly "If there is no enemy within, the enemy without can do us no harm." If terrorist attacks are in part caused by a rift between the have’s and the have-nots of the world – look inside for that same inner conflict.

Do you validate certain parts of your psyche and invalidate others?

Do you judge yourself for not being good enough in some way?

Notice how the inner terrorist may manifest in your life. For some people it is through illness, addictions or depression. For others it may be losing or forgetting things or having an accident. What are the core feelings behind the actions of the inner terrorist? Write them out. It may be never acknowledging that what you do and who you are is enough. Or, perhaps it is sacrificing important values to be accepted by others. Once you have identified the core interests of the inner terrorist, see if you can really listen and validate those interests. Ask for guidance if that is part of your spiritual practice. Once you can do it within, you add to the collective ability to do it externally. Don’t wait for others to do it. Peace starts at home, within you. Fear and terror cannot thrive in a world of love. If we bombard our own psyches, communities and world with love – it may indeed conquer all.

Carla Rieger is an expert on creative people skills at work. If you want a motivational speaker, trainer, or leadership coach to help you stay on the creative edge, contact Carla Rieger.

Web site: http://www.carlarieger.com
Tel: 1-866-294-2988
Email carla@carlarieger.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carla_Rieger

Read This Article if You Want to Know What Love Is (By Lance Winslow)

2008-06-08T13:31:00.002-07:00

We have all heard the song, which has the lyrics; “I want to know what love is” and it is something special indeed. But what is love? Have you really thought of how it works and why it takes control of your emotions and trumps so many other more logical decisions we make? Well if you have contemplated this, you are not alone. Indeed, isn’t this why you chose this article to read out of the 11.6548 Billion web pages on the Internet? It should be surprising that you chose this article to read over any other, because love is something we all need and desire isn’t it?

You see all humans and as far as we can see most all mammals experience the definitional interpretation of love and feel it just the way you and I do. There are chemicals in the brain, which cause sensations throughout our bodies, as these chemicals interact with the body and set off chain reactions. Many believe when they are experiencing this that it is something divine simply because they have enjoyed the euphoria.

Yet this is a normal and everyday bio-system function that we are misinterpreting and denying the fact of this simple process of the body. This of course is not taking anything away from the overwhelming sensation that is felt. Some believe since it literally can take control of our senses it is like a drug and often love can counter act the normal stresses of day-to-day life and the more serious species we all incur from time to time.

Yet we cannot allow ourselves to live a life without stress because that too would be denying what it is to be human. Love and hardship; pain and sorrow, laughter and joy are all part of the human experience and all should be felt during our time here. You must take this obvious observation to a higher level of understanding so you can interpret correctly what you and everyone else, including all the animal kingdom is feeling on a regular basis. All animals from purring cats to herds of ship feel similar sensations.

In using this chemical drug within the body (Love) and that reaction, you must use it correctly, not allow it to rule your life and every decision, but to help your life experience reach its full potential. If you do you will be immersed in a wondrous life. Understand what love is and enjoy the sensation, which is so innately part of us. Think about this.

"Lance Winslow" - Online Think Tank forum board. If you have innovative thoughts and unique perspectives, come think with Lance; http://www.WorldThinkTank.net/. Lance is a guest writer for Our Spokane Magazine in Spokane, Washington

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lance_Winslow

I Want Love (By Lance Winslow)

2008-06-08T13:31:00.001-07:00

Well here we are and you are reading this article because you searched the words; “I want Love” on the Internet and you are not alone. Most humans desire love in their life experience. In fact love is a great motivator of humankind and accounts for many of the things we do. For instance a parent would do most anything for their kids, because they love them. Most couples will do anything for their spouse or chosen mate.

Many believe that “Love,” that most powerful force is a divine part of being human. Others believe that love is the most powerful force in the Universe and indeed it often seems so. Is this why you want love, is this why you are searching for love? Well you are searching in all the right places, as you have now come to this article via the Internet Search Engine, which is the most powerful tool to seek information known to the free world here on Earth.

You see Love is a sensation that is interpret as humans, but in essence it is a set of interacting chemicals in our brains that produce wave forms, energy, which are pleasing to our bio-system. And pleasing they are, as when we feel it, nothing else seems to matter and it is suppose to be that way. It is probably a very necessary tool for our evolutionary survival.

Love is how humans interpret that sensation of euphoria, which the brain chemicals produce. This is why it feels so good. Some say Love is a drug and in a way they are right, it is a natural drug built into all of us and it is pretty cool indeed.

As far as Love being a divine gift unique to human beings, well that is hard to say as even felines go into a different state when they feel a similar sensation. If you have a cat you know when they feel safe and warn and very happy they curl up in your lap and purr.

As far as we know all mammals feel love and so it would be a leap of faith to interpret that, which is called love as anything other than about the most natural condition of our bodies. Love causes the body pleasure and helps the immune system and makes all the stresses of life seem uneventful by comparison and that is a good thing don’t you think? So if you “want love” you will find it and it will be worth the searching. Think on it.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lance_Winslow

Do You Love Yourself? (By Rick Valens)

2008-06-08T02:48:00.001-07:00

Always feeling insecurity over your love relationship? So much so to the extent of even feeling suspicious, doubting your partner’s love for you? Well though it might not exactly always be your fault but still I must say, this is the beginning of a very unhealthy relationship. In the long run, it might even lead to an end of the relationship.

I should believe that you are having such thoughts because you really cherish this relationship? But well, perhaps cherishing it just a bit too much? Think about it, how would you feel if things were the other way round? Would you like it if your partner were to doubt your love for them instead? Always calling on you to find out where you are, whom you are with, what you are doing? Believe me, nobody like that. It is only negative and more negative feedbacks that I have got from friends that are having such encounters.

Some, who simply cannot stand it, initiated a break off.

Remember, trust between partners is one of the key criteria to a happy and fulfilling relationship. Without it, an ever-lasting relationship would never be possible.

But first of all, before we can built up this mutual trust, that is one very important thing you must achieve and that is, to trust yourself! If you don’t even trust yourself, how can you expect others, your very love to trust you? To have faith in the relationship?

You must believe in yourself, believing that there is this very special you within yourself. A very special you that make you well liked by friends and family, which of course also include your very love, loving this very special and unique you.

Everybody is unique in his or her very own way. That can only be one you and no more else in this world. Your friends and family like you for who you are. Your love, loves you for who you are. So when everyone genuine likes you, how can you yourself, don’t like yourself as who you are? Doubting your very own self? I don’t suppose you wanna lose your friends and that special someone whom you truly love?

Look into the mirror today and tell yourself, “You are great! I love you!” Yes, when you love yourself, you will naturally have this feel of confidence bringing out that very radiance in you. When you yourself are happy, others will naturally feel happy when being with you.

Remember, love is always a two-way communication. It takes two, a happy you and a happy him or her to complete the equation.

Rick Valens
Staff Writer for http://www.loveletterbox.com,
Love Relationship Discussion Forum

Currently also freelance writer for http://www.ecemetery.org,
Monument of Eternal Memory

NOTE: You're free to republish this article on your website, in your newsletter, in your e-book or in other publications provided that the article is reproduced in its entirety, including the author information and all live website link as above.

Long Lasting Love Relationships (By Terje Ellingsen)

2008-06-08T02:47:00.002-07:00

Dating and establishing love relationships can be compared to choosing a vehicle. You pick out the make, model, year, color and features that you believe are best for you. After driving your vehicle for a couple of months, you realize that perhaps you should have purchased a larger car, or that maybe the leather seats would have been better, or on hot sunny days, the sunroof would have been nice. However, it is now too late so you choose to keep your car and accept the decision you made. It is the same for a marriage or couple relationship. Not everything will be perfect and there will be major obstacles to overcome but you have made your decision and now you choose to make it work no matter which marriage troubles you are experiencing.

Dating and marriage is different than it was thirty years ago. Today, more than 50% of all marriages fail for one reason or another. Just thinking about that makes “commitments” and marriage vows seem scary. It seems that when relationships are faced with challenges, people quit trying. Dating is more like a marathon, trying to date as many people as possible, instead of taking time to get to know someone on a deeper level. For married couples, divorce is not biased. Whether married for thirty years or eight months, the outcome can be the same.

The fact is that relationships, whether dating or married, are hard. Things do not always go perfectly, fighting does occur, and it takes a 100% commitment from both parties to make it a success. Often when people break off a relationship, they feel as though something is missing. The “spark” has gone, leaving one or both people feeling inadequate and unfulfilled.
However, even though the odds are not very good, it has been proven by many people that healthy and long-lasting relationships are definitely possible. Look at Paul Newman and Joanne Woodard, Danny Devito and Rhea Perlman, or Nancy and Ronald Regan. What secrets do and did they possess? The answer is: work hard at the relationship. They made a decision of choosing to love their mate rather than relying on the “warm and fuzzy” feelings, which everyone knows will fade. By making love a choice, you are making a decision that even in the bad times, you stick it out.

There are hundreds of things you can do to build, strengthen, and enhance your relationship. You can find lots of relationship self help resources online. Remember, little steps taken every day will add up to big successes.

Terje Brooks Ellingsen is a writer and internet publisher. He runs the website 1st-Self_Improvement.net. Terje is a Sociologist who enjoys contributing to the personal growth and happiness of others. He tries to accomplish this by writing about personal development issues from his own experience and knowledge. For example, self help resources and how to enhance your relationship.

How Do You Know When You Are In Love? (By Margaret Paul, Ph.D)

2008-06-08T02:47:00.001-07:00

“How can I know when I’m really in love?” asked Ruby, a client of mine.
“How can I know if what I feel for Jim is really love or just infatuation?
How can I know if this feeling will last?”

Ruby and Jim had been dating for 11 months and were considering
marriage. Ruby, 32, felt “head over heels” in love with Jim, but she had
felt head over heels in love with Adam, as well as with Mark.

“That feeling didn’t last with Adam or Mark. How do I know it will last with
Jim? How can you tell when it’s the real thing?”

“Ruby,” I told her, “the answer to this important question depends upon
which part of you feels ‘in love’ and which part of Jim you are ‘in love’
with.”

I explained to Ruby that she can be in love from her ego, or as we call it
in the Inner Bonding process we teach, her wounded self. Or, she can
be in love from her true Self or core Self - her essence, her soul Self. If
she is in love from her wounded self, it will be about external things and
the love will not last. But if she is in love from her soul Self, it will be
about internal things, and it is very likely that the love will see her
through all the challenges that come up in relationships.

“Ruby,” I asked her, “What do you love about Jim?”

“I’ve been thinking about that a lot,” she answered. “It’s kind of funny
some of the things I love about him. I love his walk and his smell. I love
the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles, and I love his laugh. I love just
being next to him. There is something about his energy - I don’t quite
know how to talk about it – that I love being around. I love his touch. I
love his kindness and sensitivity and his deep caring for people. Even
though he would not be considered a handsome man, I love how he
looks. There’s something about his mouth and the look in his eyes that
just fills me with love. And I love the passion he has about both his work
and his hobbies I love his playfulness. We laugh a lot together. ”

“How is this different than what you loved about Adam or Mark?”

“I think that with both Adam and Mark I was pretty much blown away by
their looks – they were both hunks. Both of them were also very
successful and very social. They took me to nice places and great
vacations. Jim is not as financially successful nor as social, yet I feel
much safer with him. I think that I also feel in love with Adam’s power in
the world. He really seemed to have it together and his sense of power
turned me on. But he wasn’t always nice to people, and he wasn’t
always nice to me.”

“So it seems that with Adam and Mark, your wounded self was in love
with their wounded selves – their more superficial qualities of looks,
money and power. But it sounds like with Jim your essence is in love
with his essence. The qualities you say you are in love with are qualities
that won’t go away over time, because they are soul qualities. People
can certainly lose their looks and their money, but it is unlikely that Jim
will lose the qualities that you love in him, especially if you frequently
express your appreciation for these qualities.”

“So I really am in love with Jim! This really is different than my other
relationships. You know, I think I’ve finally grown up. The more
superficial qualities just don’t seem to be so attractive to me anymore!”

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" and “Healing Your Aloneness.” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com Phone Sessions Available.

How to Help Someone Fall in Love with You or at Least Like You a Lot (By Cliff Kuhn, M.D.)

2008-06-08T02:46:00.001-07:00

Imagine, for a moment, your ideal partner. He or she may not have been part of any of the relationships you have experienced so far. On the other hand, the person you imagine may be your spouse or significant other. The "who" is not important for this exercise. Now imagine that ideal person’s face as you want it to look. Does it have a smile or a scowl?

If you said it has a scowl, make an appointment with me fast! And not because I wear a scowl, but because you need help.

Whom Do We Choose...And Who Chooses Us?

Most of us want the significant relationship in our life to be someone who genuinely smiles a lot, whose eyes sparkle, who is filled with fun energy, and who is someone we consider to be "good company". Of course, this is not enough foundation for building a lifelong healthy relationship, but it is a start. It is the ability to smile, to have fun and to involve others that help to attract the opposite sex.

Smiling Is A Vital Social Cue

Smiling is one of the first things we do as conscious humor beings – beings who are born with a sense of humor. An infant smiles, perhaps without knowing why, to say that it is non-threatening. It is a gesture of reassurance. It says "I will not hurt you, and you should not hurt me. I am of good humor."

What works for us as infants also works as adults. If men want to attract women, or women want to attract men, what is the first thing they do when their eyes meet? They smile – perhaps shyly, perhaps hardly noticeably, maybe it’s just a slight facial twitch. But the message is clear: "I like what I see and I hope you will like me." It is the initial tentative step in any friendly relationship.

Of course, one smile does not guarantee another in return. You might get a scowl. That’s a definite message to keep away. Smiles and scowls are primordial signals of encouragement or warning employed by all mammals and crossing all language barriers.

Take a dog, for instance. If it is pleased to see you, it has a grin from ear to ear and its tail wags crazily. Bared teeth, on the other hand, leave no mistaken impression that you are welcome. One false step and you’ll need a patch in your trousers. We don’t speak "doggish", though the language is clear. Smiles and scowls avoided fights to the death in prehistoric times – and sometimes do today.

Smiling Is A Precursor To Bigger And Better Things!

So you gaze across a crowded room, smiling for three hours? Clearly, the smile is just the beginning, the message that says: "I am safe to approach," and implicitly asks the question: "Are you?" An answering smile means at least that there is no danger. Now, you need to follow up in some appropriate fashion.

"I’m in love with you, will you marry me?" is clearly not appropriate. In this respect, we are not like dogs. There is a protocol or acceptable behavior to follow. The next step is to get the other person to like us, and to find out if we like them. Go back to what you want your ideal partner to be like. One of the things most of us want in a relationship is fun - and my special prescription, The Fun Factor is the best way to learn the fun attitude that attracts mates in droves!

That does not mean we want to listen to corny jokes all day. It means pleasurable activity, and the prospect of such activity in a loving relationship.

After the smile, that first approach needs to be relaxed and to relax the other person. Will talking about you do it? Hardly, if that’s how you open a conversation. Do this too soon and you could destroy a potential relationship before it even begins. Why should the other person be interested in you, what you do and what you think? Ask about the other person? That’s better. That person’s life is more likely to be of interest to them than yours is. And when the other person does the talking, they think you are a great conversationalist.

But it’s still too early for that. Starting with a serious conversation is usually a mistake, though it is frequently made.

Becoming Childlike Is The Key To Forming Lasting Healthy Relationships

Why should forming a new relationship be so difficult when it was so easy for us early in our lives? If you need proof of how easy it was, watch two infants able to crawl but not yet able to talk. Listen to the gurgles they make to one another, and the squeals of delight. They have not yet learned embarrassment, shyness, timidity, to be afraid of rejection. No one told them yet to fear others, that some would not be friendly or welcome them.

They can’t talk, but they already know how to have fun with each other.

Watch them when they are four. They will play together for hours, chattering away, inventing games with seemingly unlimited imagination. They form attachments and real friendships. No one taught them how. They just let their curiosity take over. They still have little experience with embarrassment. No one has explained relationships, they simply happen naturally.

You know what? There are no rules other than being natural and having fun. Only when a child enters school, where rules and discipline have to be enforced to maintain order, does innocence start to give way to the realities of a world in which not all is pleasant and fun. Only then, as a rule, are they taught not to speak to strangers because strangers can be dangerous.

The Key To A Great, Healthy Relationship...Become The Person You Desire

The same is true now. There is no cookie-cutter set of rules for attracting the opposite sex. What works for one couple does not work for another. But there are some constants. One of them is to use The Fun Factor to be a fun-loving person, remembering the simplicity and lack of deviousness of small children. An appropriate sense of fun and good humor can be the trigger for that magic spark that can turn into love.

When you have revealed a sense of humor that is attractive to the other person, you will have the opportunity to show that you are also a caring person, kind-hearted, loving, attentive, good parent potential, protective and all the other things in whatever combination is attractive to your potential partner. And you will be able to find out the same things about them. Then, you can become more committed.

But first, you will have to pass the fun test. Is there still a small child in you?

Discover the secrets of a (formerly) stressed-out psychiatrist; Clifford Kuhn, M.D., America's Laugh Doctor, teaches people and organizations to be more healthy and successful through the use of fun and humor. The former associate chairperson of the University of Louisville's renowned Department of Psychiatry, Dr. Kuhn dispenses his prescription for turbo-charging your health, success, and vitality from http://www.natural-humor-medicine.com On his website you will find tons of fun, free ways for you to maximize your sense of humor, and enjoy a life others will admire and envy.

Love, Lies, Betrayal, and Deceit - Why Do We Lie to Those We Love? (By Timothy Cole)

2008-06-08T02:45:00.000-07:00

Why do husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, lie to each other?

Our romantic relationships are seldom what they seem. We all want a relationship that is built on openness, intimacy, and trust, but the truth is, our relationships do not always work that way. More often than not, our intimate relationships involve secrecy and deceit. In fact, if you want to look for deception and betrayal in your own life, the best place to start is close to home. Husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, often lie about their true feelings for each other, the feelings they have for others, and their level of commitment. Indeed, it is safe to say that people save their biggest and most serious lies for those they love.

For better or worse, our romantic relationships are full of paradoxes which we try to overlook, downplay and ignore. For the most part, this strategy works well. Until the day comes when it doesn’t, and with little warning or preparation we have to confront face-on the reality that our close relationships are not exactly what they appear to be.

Eventually, almost everyone will catch a spouse or partner in one of their lies. Inevitably, we have a difficult time coping with what we have learned and dealing with the fact that someone close has betrayed our trust. We do not expect our partners to mislead us, nor do we have insight into how and why deception occurs.

In fairness, it should also be mentioned that it is just as likely that a partner or spouse will catch you in one of your own attempts to deceive. And ironically, we are just as unprepared to deal with this kind of situation.

Ignoring the paradoxes inherent in our romantic relationships turns out to be a costly strategy and most people pay the price for this decision, unexpectedly, and all at once. It’s not so much that coming to terms with the use of deception in romantic relationships will solve all of the problems you are going to encounter, but it will certainty help to reduce the stress, anxiety, and uncertainty that occur when deception eventually comes to light.

When it comes love and romance, most of the things we believe, turn out not to be true. Most people believe that all of their marital or relational problems can be solved through “communication.” We also believe that deception is difficult to achieve, that misleading a partner requires a lot of effort and thought, and that romantic partners can tell when a lover is lying, and so on. None of these widely held beliefs, however, are supported by the evidence. Rather, our romantic relationships are held together by a delicate balance of both candor and deceit. And both are critical to making our intimate relationships work.

Romantic relationships entail two important features which allow deception to flourish: abundant opportunity, as well as the need to deceive. As we get close to another person, we intentionally and unintentionally provide them with a great deal of information about who we are, revealing ourselves through both our words and deeds. Creating this kind of intimacy or shared knowledge is critical, as it serves as the foundation for a lot of important rewards. Through our close relationships, we create gains with respect to our health, wealth, and emotional well-being.

Because relationships provide so many important rewards, it should come as no surprise that people are inclined to view their romantic partners in a positive light. We place a lot of trust in our romantic partners. We think we know them well. But while our trust surely provides us with a sense of security and comfort, it also lays the ground for deceit. For as we trust our partners more, we also become more confident but less accurate at determining when the truth is being told.

Every relevant study attests to the fact that lovers are terrible at telling when their partners are lying. In fact, detecting deception with anyone is difficult to do, but lovers manage to take this general failure to a spectacular low. Again, as we become more confident that we can tell when a lover is lying, the exact opposite turns out to be true. This “truth-bias” or “blind faith” provides the perfect opportunity for romantic partners to engage in deception. After all, who makes a better victim than someone who is eager and willing to trust everything you have to say?

Not only do close relationships create a wonderful opportunity for deception to occur, they also create the need. While romantic relationships offer many rewards, they also tend to be overly constrictive. Most everyone has felt the constraints of a close relationship from time to time; quite simply you are no longer free to do what you want, when you want, and with whom you want. So intimacy provides tremendous rewards, but at an enormous cost – the loss of your freedom and autonomy.

Lying to a romantic partner helps us deal with the constraints that our intimate relationships impose. Quite frankly, deceiving a romantic partner turns out to be the most efficient and effective way of maintaining the rewards we get from our romantic relationships while pursuing extra-relational goals and activities behind a partner’s back.

How do we decide when to lie and when to tell the truth? Well, most of the time we do not intentionally think about misleading our partners. Rather such decisions are governed by our emotions and just seem to happen when the right situation presents itself. Often a sense of excitement, opportunity, and exhilaration can lead us down paths we had no intention of traveling. A sense of fear, loss, and trepidation, on the other hand, prompt us to cover-up what we’ve done and be more conservative in the short-term. Luckily our emotions are very good at reading situations and keeping our deceptive behavior within limits. Our emotions prompt us to regain some of our freedoms while also allowing us to maintain the benefits we get from our intimate relationships.

When you take a step back and put it altogether, the picture that emerges tends to be rather ironic. Because our romantic relationships are so rewarding yet constrictive, we are simultaneously more truthful and more deceptive with those we love. Additionally, we place the most trust in the person who is most likely to deceive us, just as we are most likely to deceive the person who loves and trusts us the most. These are just a few of the paradoxes that emerge when taking a close look at the use of deception in our romantic relationships. Most of what is uncovered runs counter to our most cherished beliefs about love and romance; that is, the idea that complete openness and intimacy are a central and defining feature of being in love.

Initially most people avoid looking for deception by a loved one. But as you begin to examine your own behavior more closely it becomes harder to dismiss the degree to which lies, betrayal, secrecy and deceit are ever present in our close relationships. Hopefully, you will take on a greater appreciation for the complexities of your relationships as well as a richer understanding of what it means to be in love. Regardless of the final outcome, taking a close look at deception in your life will change the way you view yourself and others.

Article by Timothy Cole, PhD. For more information on how, when, and why husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends, lie to those they love, visit Truth about Deception

25 Easy Romantic Ideas (By L.A. Hunter)

2008-06-08T02:44:00.002-07:00

1. Bury a time capsule together with trinkets and love letters to each other. Draw a map with an X marking the spot. Store the map in your safety deposit box or in another safe place. Dig it up in 10 or 20 years.

2. Create a music disk of love songs, fun songs or songs that remind you of each other.

3. Plant a post-it note or two in a book your love is reading. Write "I love you," I want you," or "XOXOXO."

4. Go to a photo booth at the mall together. Fool around while having your photo taken. Keep the photos in your car or at work for when you need a fun pick-me-up.

5. Plant a tree together and talk about how you will carve your names in it with a heart in 20 years.

6. Go to a coffee shop - just to sit together and talk. Or get coffee to go - go for a long scenic drive together.

7. Be naughty, play hooky together. Do whatever you want together.

8. Send your love at letter at work. Disguise it in a business envelope. Make it happy for a pick me up, loving for romance and naughty if you're planning a date that evening.

9. Heart shaped notes - use one at a time or 20 at a time. Plant little messages throughout the house or garage to add a thrill.

10. Pick up some dipping chocolate and strawberries or cherries at your local grocery store. This makes an incredibly romantic dessert for two.

11. Drive for an hour or two just to have a picnic or stop at a restaurant you've never been at.

12. Name a Star together. When you’re apart you can look up at your star and know someone is out there waiting for your safe return.

13. Use glow in the dark stars and a black light to create a romantic night sky inside.

14. Create a spa atmosphere at home. Candles, essential oils and burners, mood music and massagers or other relaxation products can be purchased at almost any department store or bath shop.

15. Godiva, the fine chocolate maker, has developed wonderfully tasting chocolate liquor. Use wine glasses to serve it for dessert.

16. On a special night, dim the lights and put on soft music. Then, undress leaving a trail of your clothes from the front door to the bedroom; just before your love is about to arrive home.

17. Sit by the fire together roasting marshmallows.

18. While your love is taking a shower, sneak in and write, "I love you!" on the steamed mirror.

19. Make a puzzle of a love letter or brochure for a surprise getaway. Send a piece to your love everyday until it’s complete. Or leave a piece on the table or dresser everyday.

20. Make a tape recording asking your love to meet you somewhere or tell them how much they are loved.

21. Next time you’re walking anywhere, grab your love’s hand or walk arm and arm.

22. Make a "Prescription for Love" on the computer. Fill it out using words like: take two doses of love and come see me now or take with kisses twice daily. Use an empty medication bottle without the label, inside you can fill with heart candies or erotic messages.

23. Plan a surprise anniversary party for your love.

24. Leave a Hershey’s Kiss where it will be found with a note, "I’m thinking of kissing you."

25. Just call to say, "I love you," "I’m thinking of you" or "I miss you."

L. A. Hunter is a romance expert and author of “Romeo’s Playbook.” An extremely male-friendly relationship book that looks and reads like a sports playbook. Along with being a romance consultant she is the founder of http://www.Romantic-Secrets.com an upscale, romance boutique where you can find romantic gifts and products as well as FREE romantic ideas and other relationship advice.

How To Keep Your Love Alive (By Dr. Brenda Shoshanna)

2008-06-08T02:44:00.001-07:00

Some believe that romance should just come naturally, and if it doesn’t, or if the original closeness that existed in a relationship starts to subside, it means that something is wrong. Nothing is further from the truth. Keeping love alive requires time, attention and the willingness to keep things fresh and learn how to constantly reconnect. Here are some steps that will help us reconnect with our partners, and keep the love alive.

Step 1: Give up dead routines

After the initial excitement of being together is over, many fall into a routine and begin taking one another for granted. They assume they know what their partner is feeling, that it doesn’t matter if they come late for a date, don’t look as good as they used to, or decide to spend more and more time out with friends. However, it is crucial to realize that there are many small ways in which we sabotage relationships. Unless two people feel cared for and valued by one another, it is easy for the feelings of love to fade away.

Break into routines. Snap out of ruts. Take time to plan exciting, romantic, delicious times to spend together. Even if it’s just for a little while. Dedicate time to the relationship that nothing can interrupt. This is a sacred time for the two of you, and during it do what makes both of you feel most fulfilled.

Step 2: Take Charge of How You Perceive Your Partner Each Day

The good feelings between partners are often heightened by the way in which they view one another. Do you view him as a hero? Someone you can look up to and respect? Or are you mostly dwelling upon his/her faults? After a relationship has gone on for a while it is easy to begin to view one another as ordinary. This is a sure-fire technique for putting out any fire that might exist. Remember, when you first fell in love, you only saw the best about that person and focused on how wonderful they were. If you want to keep the love alive, keep that going consciously.

Here are two exercises to do to help. Get a personal notebook to record your experiences and feelings in. Read it from time to time. Dedicated a certain time each day to the relationship and what is possible between the two of you.

Exercise A – How You See Your Partner

Take some time and write down a description of how you see your partner. Who is he/she to you now? How do you feel about him? Write this down without censoring your thoughts and feelings.

Then, write down how you saw him when you first met, and how you felt about him then. See how your feelings of closeness are affected by the way you are perceiving the person today. Realize that how you perceive a person is totally within your control. You can have the most beautiful person in front of you, but if you do not see it, it is of no avail.

Consciously view your partner in a way that is similar to the way you did in the beginning. They will feel the effects of this, and begin responding in kind.

Exercise B – Stop Pushing Him/Her Away

There are many, little things we do (consciously and unconsciously) that push our partners away. Many are afraid of intimacy and do a great deal to short circuit it. Take a little while to write down ways in which you push him/her away. This is not to blame yourself, but to become aware of the times when you are not actually inviting closeness, but putting on the brakes.

Now, decide to change the way you behave. Each day take one item on your list (the way you’ve pushed him away) and do the opposite. For example, rather than criticizing him in public, say nice things about him with friends. A few small actions can have huge effects. .

Step 2: Understanding Hidden Expectations

There is nothing that can cause us to disconnect from each other as much as expectations that have been unfulfilled. We all enter relationships with many kinds of expectations and dreams, some we are aware of, others not. There is nothing that causes more disappointment than our expectations which are not being met.

Take a moment to become aware of what you are expecting of your partner. Is it possible for him to fulfill these expectations Does he want the same thing from the relationship?
More often than not, it is our unfulfilled expectations, not the other person, which make us upset. In order to feel close and satisfied in a relationship, a crucial step is making sure your expectations can be met. See how your expectations align with the person you’re with. Also take time to see if anyone can fulfill them? Are these expectations realistic or simply childhood dreams you are still carrying with you?

Exercise C –- Letting Him Fulfill Your Dreams

Become aware off which expectations of yours your partner does meet. Now see if you are willing to be satisfied with that. Can you find a way to feel grateful for what you are receiving? Sometimes just deciding that what your partner offers is good enough, can allow the love to re-ignite once again.
Then, let him know that he’s making you happy. Most people have a deep need to know and to hear that they are meaningful to you.

Step 6: Re-Choose Your Partner

When these steps are taken, you will not only be more connected, but you will be with your partner because there is no other place you want to be. The relationship will not be one of convenience, but one of choice. The actual act of re-choosing our partners, of knowing they are the one’s we want to be with, is the culmination of the reconnecting and romance we’ve found.

Sometimes it is very beautiful to make this process conscious. You can write down and express the ways in which you wish to recommit to your partner, you can write down and express the aspects of them that cause you to feel this way. By doing this on an on-going basis, we not only keep the love and relationship fresh, but we keep ourselves aware of why we are with the person, what our part is in the relationship, and the joy and romance that is possible for us to have forever.

Cc/author/2005

Discover the surprising truths about love that will save your relationship in Dr. Shoshanna's new e-book, Save Your Relationship, (21 Basic Laws of Successful Relationships). http://www.truthaboutlove.com. Even a wonderful relationship can become difficult when we don't know and practice the simple laws of love. In this e-book you'll discover the common mistakes people make in relationships and how to set them straight. Filled with guidance and exercises, you'll learn how to clear up misunderstandings, feel good about yourself and make wise choices. Not only will you save your relationship, but find the fulfillment you've been hoping for. Dr. Shoshanna is a psychologist, speaker, workshop leader and the author of many books, including The Anger Diet (30 Days to Stress Free Living), Zen and the Art of Falling In Love, and Zen Miracles (Finding Peace In An Insane World).http://www.brendashoshsanna.com, or contact Dr. Shoshanna at mailto: topspeaker@yahoo.com

What's Love Got to Do With It? (MHM-Mental Health Matters) (By Arthur Buchanan)

2008-06-08T02:43:00.001-07:00

Hey I bet you are saying to yourself what does love got to do with it? That my friend is simple, it’s got everything to do with it! You can’t stand there and tell me or even sit there and tell me that love doesn’t have or play a huge roll in your life!

It has everything to do with you. You want to find a mate and be loved, don’t you? Say yes, because I know this to be true. Now why is it are primal interest to love and be loved? When Adam was alone in the Garden of Eden, he got lonely and God in his infinite wisdom, decide to make Adam a mate, from his own rib even.

Now why would Adam become lonely in the Garden of Eden, a perfect place? Now do you see were the very first love and be loved took place? That’s right with the very first person and God agreed with him, so he really must have been lonely and wanted to be loved!

Now we know for a fact that God loved Adam and perfectly I might add, but why was that not good enough for the human race? It’s simple he felt the need to be loved by another human to be complete.

Now do you feel that God made a mistake here? I mean he is the all knowing, the alpha the omega, the begging and the end, so it would seem that he knew it all, does that make sense to you so far?

Well if he knew already that Adam was going to get lonely, why wouldn’t he have created Eve at the same time? We’ve already stated he knows all, so why make Adam suffer all those years? Was it because he loved to see him in pain? I think not!

Now here goes another one of my crazy theories, God knew Adam would indeed get lonely, so this was no big surprise to him. What we don’t understand is why God didn’t make Eva right from the get go? Why not you may be asking, well that’s a very good question you asked and I’ll do my best to answer this question of yours.

It’s sort of like this God knew Adam would get lonely, but he also knew that we as humans built in his own image, would get lonely by ourselves and that we would need a mate. The two shall leave there home and become one. Now here is the tricky part of the whole thing! God knew that Adam and Eve would eat the so called forbidden fruit of good and evil, knowing this he created them anyway, not because he didn’t love them but because of the fact that he loved them.

Now here is were it gets heavy. The so called first sin was actually the first realization that we are part of God, the Holy Spirit will never leave or forsake you, and do you believe that statement? Well my friend Jesus himself said this and as far as I know he was the only sinless soul. Now would you agree with me on this?

Ok we have established that fact that we come from God and we have the Holy Sprit with us always. Has it ever occurred to you that we are collaborators in creation? What this means is God in his infinite wisdom, knew that Adam was incomplete and knew he needed a mate and he also gave us free will.

Now on ward this free will was not the first sin as we suspected, it was actually that we were human beings and connected to God. Yes God wanted it from the get go, for there to be a man and a woman. Why then was Adam lonely, it was God experiencing this, all of Adams feeling and this is why we are called collaborators in creation.

Now when God and Adam grew tired of being lonely and wanted another person to be with them, he created Eva, now adding a new dimension to the relationship, was two humans together both one with God, yet they were creating their time together and God was pleased and he was now exercising the joy of a complete human race.

So Adam and Eva feel in love in the human form and were collaborators in creation with God, that brought his understanding of the human relationship and how he was experiencing the relationship with them and all humans to come for generation and generations and it all started with the basics of love is all there is and when God felt that he needed more than the human races feeling, he then sent his only son The Jesus to earth to feel all that was left out with just human relationships.

He experienced love of the only true form and that would be Jesus, the only sinless soul, who would transform this thing we call death, which started when we first realized that we where part of God.

Now can you see how that love is all there is and God created us to love one another and the two shall become one and love thy neighbor as you love thy self, so yes love does play a big role in the workings of the whole universe and yes love is all there is!

Please pass this article around to whoever you feel it may help. Friends and family members, just keep the contact box below untoched and give proper credit to the author.

They are calling Arthur Buchanan's methods of recovering from mental illness REVOLUTIONARY! (MEDICAL COLLEGE OF MICHIGAN) 'Arthur Buchanan has given us a revolutionary blue print for recovery in these uncertain times, when Mental Illness at a all time high in the United States of America, yet if you follow this young mans methods, we assure you of positive results and I QUOTE 'If these methods are followed precisely, their is no way you can't see positive results with whatever illness you have' Dr. Herbert Palos Detroit, Michigan'

Listen to Arthur Buchanan on the Mike Litman Show!
http://freesuccessaudios.com/Artlive.mp3
THIS LINK WORKS, LISTEN TODAY!

With Much Love,

Arthur Buchanan
President/CEO
Out of Darkness & Into the Light
43 Oakwood Ave. Suite 1012
Huron Ohio, 44839
567-219-0994 (cell)
http://www.out-of-darkness.com (Site will be done in 7 to 10 days!)

Lessons for Life Love (By John T Jones, Ph.D.)

2008-06-07T04:20:00.000-07:00

"No greater love has any man than to lay down his life for a friend."

Here is another story of love from my Korean experience.

The love here was for a stepbrother. We had been in a firing mission. We fired white phosphorous recoilless rifle shells into Chinese positions and then fired the 81 millimeter mortars shells upon the scattering Chinese. A major from division had come up on the line and ordered the fire mission. It was not a pleasant experience to see the young Chinese soldiers toss bodies like cordwood out of the positions they were digging.

Finally, the major told us what a fine job of killing our fellow men we had done, and left.

Six or seven of us stood talking after the slaughter. A corporal from Oklahoma told us that he had orders to go home but that he was not leaving until his stepbrother got his orders to go home too. His stepbrother was in the same company, Company B, 17th Infantry Regimental Combat Team.

If the brother had been a full brother, he would not have been allowed in the same infantry company. We told the Corporal to go home. We were getting the heaviest concentration of enemy artillery fire during the history of the Korean War (according to "Stars and Stripes."). We told him he could be killed and that it was better to let his stepbrother catch up with him.

The Corporal said, "If I was going to be killed, I would have been killed by now. I'm staying!"

Now, infantry men have their degree of superstition. We told him to take back what he said. We told him anybody could be killed at any time. We also told him that it was not only bad luck to say that you wouldn't be killed but that it was even worse luck not to go home when ordered.

The Corporal had a great love for his stepbrother. He would not leave him. About two hours later, I was told that he was killed.
I don't remember the Corporal as being arrogant or stupid. I remember him as having a tremendous love for his brother. I remember that he had the courage to continually face enemy fire until his brother could leave. He paid with his life. "No Greater Love."

For The Little Children

Once upon a time there was a young prince who lived in a great stone castle on a big green mountain. He was old enough to start looking for a bride, but he knew he would not be able to do that. He knew that his parents, the King and Queen, would choose his bride for him. He thought, They will find me a bride in a foreign land and she won't even speak my language!

The prince was very sad.

One day, the Queen said to the King, "I'm concerned about the prince. He was always so happy. There was always a smile on his face. Now, I often see tears in his eyes."

The King said, "I felt the same way when I was his age. But what can we do? It has always been the rule that the King and Queen select the bride, not the prince. Surely we have more wisdom in such things than he does."

"Yes, My King, but I'm afraid the prince will run away rather than have us select his bride for him. What can we do?"

The king thought and thought. The next day he came to the Queen and said, "Let's have a grand ball and carnival. It will last a week. We will invite all the young princes and princesses with their parents as chaperones. We will see which princess he likes. If she is suitable, we will make the arrangements for the wedding. Now, the young prince must not think that he is selecting his own bride. We must stick to the traditions of our fathers."

The Queen said, "That is a marvelous idea. I'll see that the staff prepares for the celebration."

The great carnival started on Monday and the ball was to be held Saturday night. The prince spent time with each of the princesses, but after, Wednesday, he only was seen with one, Princess Nijinska. When she was young she was not pretty like the other princesses. She was known as the ugly duckling of princesses. But she always had a smile on her face, was very smart, and she liked the same things the prince liked.

When the King heard that the prince was spending his time with Princess Nijinska, he said to the Queen, "Surely, the prince does not want her for his bride. Do you remember what she looks like? She was such an ugly child. What if he is just being polite to her. He never has been rude, and he might just be helping her to have a good time while she is here."

The Queen smiled at the King. "You have misjudged our son. Remember when he was young. He loved toads more than frogs, and snakes better than bunnies. Looks are not the main thing with our son. He has to evaluate everything for it's true worth. Why, you taught him that looks can be deceiving."

The King sat on his throne and said, "Our son is also very clever. Maybe he is up to something."

The Queen laughed. "Like what? Well, maybe we will have to wait for the ball. Let us decide now. Whomever he dances with the last dance, shall be his bride."

The king thought that was a good idea.

At the Saturday night ball, the prince danced with each princess once, but not twice. He danced every other dance including the last dance with Princess Nijinska.

The king said, "She is like a beautiful swan on the lake. She moves with such elegance. In fact, she looks different tonight."

The Queen laughed. "You remember the princess as a child. She is woman now. She has changed."

The King laughed, "You could have told me that!"

The Queen smiled, "What kind of a surprise would that have been"?

"Right you are, My Dear Queen," said the King. "You have always filled my life with surprises. But that is only one reason that I love you. I even loved you before the last dance of the ball before my parents chose you for my bride. You see, I knew what you were up to, My Queen."

John T. Jones, Ph.D. (tjbooks@hotmail.com)is a retired R&D engineer and VP of a Fortune 500 company. He is author of detective & western novels, nonfiction (business, scientific, engineering), poetry, etc. Former editor of international trade magazine.

More info: http://www.tjbooks.com

Business web site: http://www.bookfindhelp.com (wealth-success books)

Lessons for Life Love (By John T Jones, Ph.D.) part2

2008-06-07T04:18:00.000-07:00

That's the difference. They care. And care is just another way to spell LOVE.

A poem dedicated to a loving man

I write poetry. You can read my poetry and see my photographs of the Korean War if you go to http://www.tjbooks.com. Here is a poem I wrote about an extremely brave machine gun sergeant who had love for his family and his men.

Machine Gun Sergeant

Saturday, April 2, 1999

Below the Wachon Reservoir,

We walked along the river,

And then across the fields.

Dieter said, "This is where

The air force caught the Chinese

With there carts and horses."

"That's the hill

Where the machine-gun sergeant

Climbed to help his men.

He was supposed to

Go home that day,

Not a war to win.

"The sergeant said,

'I know I don't have to fight,

I can stay back here and watch,

But my men are scared,

And their sergeant is new,

I’ll lead them one more time.'"

Dieter lowered his head

And then he said,

"The fire was very heavy.

They took the hill

That bloody day,

But the sergeant never made it."

We found a house

Still intact.

We were very much surprised.

An octagon with a center patio,

Where a family

Once cooked their meals.

This must have been

A happy place

Before the armies came.

Little children

At mother's knee,

An abundant life they had.

Dieter said,

"He has two kids."

I said,

"I thought him dead."

I looked at Probe,

His familiar name,

I said,

"Please tell me more."

I saw a tear run down his cheek,

It wasn't there before.

The sky was clear,

A glorious day,

And we walked the fields some more.

We found a can from Russia,

And Kowalski read the label.

"I know the town

Where this was made,

I know who made this ammo."

I looked at Probe,

He looked at me,

And this is what he said,

"The machine-gun sergeant

Was hit in the groin,

He said, 'I’d be better dead.'"

No workers toiled

In the beautiful fields,

The war had done its dirt.

I wondered where the families were,

Were they dead

Or hurt?

Tomorrow,

We go back on the line,

To Heartbreak Ridge they say.

I looked at Probe

And this I said,

"At least we've got today."

The sergeant

Didn't have to fight.

He'd done his job well,

But he climbed the hill,

And got maimed for life.

How could he think so ill?

When it's time to go home,

It's time to go,

To play with fate is bad.

"He's the bravest man I know,"

Said Probe,

"He did it to be right."

I said, "What about his

Wife and kids?

What about their plight?"

"He had no choice,"

Said Probe,

"He had to fight."

We walked along

The dusty road

That led us back to camp.

I thought,

"How brave he was!"

I think of him a lot.

Here's another little poem about that war.

967
Saturday, April 3, 1999

Now, that's a lot of lemons

If your making lemonade,

But if your counting ants,

It would hardly make a parade.

How about watermelons?

It would make quite a pile.

You could go from May through February

If you ate three each day.

How many American men died

In the 17th Infantry

Regimental Combat Team

In Korea?

The many Korean boys that served with us and died were not counted. I don't have the count on the Nigerians either.

You can't believe the love that Korean veterans have for each other. Going through life's trials with another human being brings with it a tremendous love for that person. Probe Dieter and I can read each other's minds even though he is in New York State and I'm in Idaho. I went home to Utah one time and I said to myself, Probe Dieter has been here. When I got back to Iowa, where I was teaching engineering at Iowa State University, I picked up the telephone and said, "Hey, Probe! Have you been looking for me?"

"Yes," he said. "I was in Utah and I couldn't find you."

On several occasions, I've picked up the telephone knowing it was Probe on the other line.

What is the most traumatic loss in a person's life?

You probably know that it is when a person loses his or her spouse. The relationship grows from the initial infatuation, to the love of courtship and marriage, and the increased love that bonds them together from living through life's trials and joys.

Each child that comes into a home, brings with it an enduring, eternal love. A touch of pain enters when the child leaves the nest, but more love comes as grandchildren are born. It's a process that never ceases until war or devastation from nature destroys the family. We see that everyday now, don't we. Some family links die off because no children were born for various reasons. Fortunately for mankind, the process goes on.

More info: http://www.tjbooks.com

Business web site: http://www.bookfindhelp.com (wealth-success books)

Lessons for Life Love (By John T Jones, Ph.D.) part1

2008-06-07T04:17:00.001-07:00

Lesson Purpose: To show that love is a powerful influence in our life and is the cement that bonds families together.

The Lesson

"It is impossible to love and to be wise."
Francis Bacon

"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a stalled ox and hatred therein." BIBLE, Proverbs 15.17

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." BIBLE, John 3:16

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment." BIBLE, Mark 12:30

"And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself." BIBLE, Math 22:39

Where did it all get started?

Here's a little poem I wrote to my wife:

Adam Said

To Pat on Mothers Day

Saturday, May 8, 1999

Adam said, Eve my dear,

You've eaten the forbidden fruit.

She looked at him and answered back,

Yes, I'm getting the boot!

He said to her, Eve my dear,

I like your skin and hair,

And I get a little tingle

When with those eyes you stare.

She said to him, I’ll miss you so

When Father kicks me out.

Now don't you ever think of me;

Never give a pout!

He answered back with some regret,

I’ll dearly miss you too,

If I didn't have a lot more ribs

I'm sure with you I’d go.

That's right, she said,

You do have ribs a plenty more to spare,

But won't you miss this little rib?

Won't you miss my stare?

She stared at him, he looked away,

Then rubbed his perfect tummy,

You know, he said, I have a pain,

I'm really getting hungry.

She bid him come and sat him down,

And put his lunch before him.

He ate the fruit and felt real good,

"I'm going with you, honey!"

What is love?

For our purposes love is a strong affection for another, or others, based on family ties, personal ties, or the affectionate ties of lovers.

Love may be admiration based on the qualities or common interest of others.

Types of love are: The love of a child by its mother. The love of God as the Benefactor of mankind. The love of a young man and a young women who are engaged to be married to each other.

Love is the basis of survival

Think about it. A child requires extensive care from the day it is born until well into the teenage years. If a mother got tired of caring for the child and had no love for it, the care of the child would be left to others. If others did not surface, the child would parish.

Unfortunately, some children are abandoned everyday. Fortunately, most children are not abandoned.

Back to Korea

My infantry company in Korea during an attack on the Chinese picked up two Soviet trucks manufactured under the World War II Lend Lease Program, two dogs that we had to watch over or they would be eaten by our Korean friends, and two young boys, brothers who had lost their parents.

We loved those Russian trucks. They were much more reliable than ours. They were exactly the same as General Motors trucks made during World War II. So what happened? The army took them away from us because they were not regulation issue. When we came down from the freezing top of Hill 1243, the highest mountain on the line, our US trucks had all been damaged by the freezing weather and Service Company had to take us off the line.

The two dogs disappeared and ended up in a ROK army kettle.

Yes, we lost the two boys too, now dressed in cowboy suits we got them through Sears and Roebuck. The American Red Cross found their grandparents. They took the boys from our dangerous combat area. The love of the American Red Cross workers for the Korean people and the love of the boys’ grandparents gave the youngsters the bond they needed for survival in an awful war.

War is the breeding ground for the alphabet soup of human indignities

I had five Korean soldiers in my infantry platoon. One day, Ree Tay Hee was very sad. He had reason to be sad too. He had lost his father and two brothers to the North Koreans. He assumed they were dead. His thirteen-year-old sister and his mother lived in Seoul, which had been flattened by the North Koreans, the American Army, the Chinese, and then the American Army again. In fact it was my division behind the Marines who did the last flattening when they executed MacArthur’s daring attach from the sea at Inchon.

Ree Tay Hee’s mother and sister were supported by his older brother who worked on the Korean Railroad. He fell under the train and was decapitated. Now mother and daughter were alone with no means of support except, possibly, prostitution.

The story doesn't end there

When I got home from Korea, I got a letter from a man named Chick. I believe that he was from Tucson Arizona and I would give anything to be able to find that brave man. Chick was a section leader and a forward observer for the 81 millimeter mortars. He replaced me as forward observer when our platoon sergeant was hit and I became Platoon Sergeant at age nineteen.

Chick told me in his letter that Ree Tay Hee had been seriously wounded in the Iron Triangle. The situation couldn't have gotten worse. I don't know what happened to that family. I only know that I still have a great love for them and wish I could have been of help over the years. Let's hope that someone cared and gave them the love and aid they needed.

There is a difference between the Korean People and Americans in regard to that War. When, I got home from Korea, nobody gave a hell of beans. Most people didn't even seem to know the war was on if you judged by their actions. Nobody but immediate family members and friends cared when American blood was spilled there. Even today, it's mainly the Korean veterans who care about the sacrifices made there.

But the Korean people have a great love for the men from many lands that saved them from the North Koreans and the Chinese hoards. I've been back to Korea twice since the war. The first visit back was a traumatic experience. My talkative companion who was in Vietnam remained quiet while we flew over the mountains on which I had fought. He knew what I was doing. I was remembering every detail of the war as I knew it.

I left the hotel in Seoul and took the shuttle down town. I went in to a shop and told them I had fought there. They showed me a ton of love and wouldn't let me take the shuttle back to the hotel. The owner got his car and drove me back. The Korean Government continually welcomes veterans back to their country, gives them a banquet and a special medal and helps them tour the old battlefields.

More info: http://www.tjbooks.com

Business web site: http://www.bookfindhelp.com (wealth-success books)

Love vs Lust (By Angie Lewis )

2008-06-07T04:16:00.001-07:00

There is a great contrast between love and lust. Lust is more of a sexual or greedy feeling, while love is more of a secure and content filled feeling we get from giving and receiving. Lust does not have to be something sexual, it can be a greedy desire for more money and power, etc. But for this article, I am using it in its sexual context.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 sums up the common traits and variances of love and lust.

LOVE is kind = considerate, caring, giving, thoughtful, understanding

Lust is envy = jealous, greed, spite, resentment,

LOVE is not proud = humble, submissive, meek, modest

Lust is self-seeking = selfish, rebellious, rude, egotistical, hateful,

LOVE rejoices in the truth = God is love, Love is God = Wisdom, Holy Spirit,

Lust delights in evil = Satan, sin, wicked, iniquitous, immoral, dishonest

Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1John 4:8
AND

Dear friends, since God so loved us, we ought to also love one another.
1 John 4:11

The world has a superficial and selfish view of love, which has contaminated our understanding of what REAL LOVE is. The culture believes that love is something that makes us FEEL good and that it's acceptable to sacrifice moral principles to obtain such love. But in doing so this culture IS NOT obtaining the love characteristic but the lustful ones.

Love involves unselfish acts. Faith is the foundation of God's message. By putting our complete faith in God gives us the freedom to love others completely.

Matthew 5:27-28 says, "You have heard that it was said, "do not commit adultery, but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right hand causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for you whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell."

When Jesus said to throw away you right hand or gouge out your eye, he didn't mean in the literal sense because even a blind person can lust. Jesus' thinking was that if that were the only choice, then it would be better to go into heaven with one eye or one hand then to go to hell with two hands or two eyes.

Acting out lustful desires is very harmful in four ways.

1. Lustful desires destroys marriage

2. Lustfulness is rebelliousness to God

3. Lustfulness always hurts someone

4. Lustful acts leads to premarital sex

Jesus said the desire to have sex with someone other than your spouse is mental adultery. Therefore, If lustful desires are in our thoughts, then they most likely will come out in our actions!

"For where you treasure is, there your heart will be also." Luke 12:34

In essence, it's in what we THINK. What we crave and lust for in life shows our values and morals. What we think in our heart and mind comes back out in our actions.

Lustful thinking can turn into

1. Adultery = divorce

2. Premarital sex = genital diseases = lack of sexual interest with spouse

3. Sin = death

Sexual immorality is a temptation we all must face on a daily basis. God doesn't forbid sexual sins just to be difficult. God knows its power to destroy people lives physically and spiritually. God wants to protect us from damaging ourselves with immoral sexual desires. Sex outside of the marriage relationship always hurts someone. It hurts God because it shows that we care more about our own lustful desires than Him.

Paul said in Corinthians, "Do you no know that your body is the a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price (Jesus Christ death freed us from sin). Therefore, honor God with your body" 1 Corinthians 6: 19-20

Many people believe they have the right to do whatever they want with their own bodies. And they think this is freedom, but really, they are enslaved to their own lustful and sinful desires - they are in bondage and slave to their desires.

When we become Christian's (Christ ones) the Holy Spirit lives in us and fills us up, and we no longer own our own bodies, but we belong to God.

Do you love others like God wants you to love?

Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. 1 John 2:10

Angie Lewis offers spiritual enlightenment tips for couples in marriage, and is the author of new release book JOURNEY ON THE ROADS LESS TRAVELED.

This unique book is about love, life, marriage, addiction, temptation, and understanding the power of spiritual awareness for your marriage.

In her book, Angie reveals her own journey of overcoming addiction and battling with her negative emotions that she allowed to embrace her life and marriage.

ISBN 1413788904Avaliable Amazon online!

Angie Lewis counsels couples and writes a monthly newsletter where she reveals her secrets on how YOU can stay happily married for life!

Subscribe to get your FREE monthly newsletter so you can stay happily and forever married!http://www.heavenministries.com/

True Love Might Require That You Love Him-Her Enough to Let Them Go (By Tony Tate)

2008-06-07T04:14:00.000-07:00

True love is supposed to be what brought you together. Many couples though, whether just dating, engaged to be married, married couples or people just living together experience difficult times, heartaches and breakups. Does true love have a roll at these times? What if it does? Can you handle that kind of love?

It's true you don't feel true love when you are the one being left. There is no sense of love when someone leaves you and you feel betrayed or, feel that you have been done wrong. What you are feeling is angry and hurt. But what if the shoe was on the other foot and you were the one who felt you needed to leave? Maybe it's not your desire to hurt the one you're leaving but you have realized that you didn't really love them. You want to move on because there is no sense in trying to be a couple if only one of you desires to be there.

If you are the one being left how should you respond in the situation? How does true love play a part in such a scenario? You are angry and hurt. You feel betrayed and maybe even a bit used and down right mistreated. These are the kinds of feelings and emotions that accompany being left. It's like the fabric of your very being is being ripped to shreds. When you can't seem to stop or get through these feelings and emotions they can lead to bad health. So what can you do differently to avoid the stuff? Well, how deep is the well where love exists in your heart? Not your love for the other person but just love in you.

Here is True Love

Love would not hold someone prisoner. Love won't try to force someone's will. Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. Love never fails.

That is true love. Sounds like a lot doesn't. The good news is that you don't have to do love. Let love do itself. Read again all the things love is and then just submit to it. You have to submit your self to love. In your pain; in your loneliness; in your misery; in your deepest most profound sadness submit yourself to love.

Sometimes it may feel like you are giving up or giving in. You may feel like a failure, defeated and beaten down but, you must submit to true love. It is not that you are doing this for the other person so much as you are doing it for yourself. You only give up your desire for love. To submit to love is to release yourself from the pain. If you don't submit to love you can't forgive. And if you can't forgive you will remain trapped in your pain, loneliness, misery and sadness. No matter what you decide to do, love and forgive or, refuse to love and refuse to forgive, the person who left will still be gone. More than likely they will be going on with their life.

True love helps you to release them without anger and malice. In releasing them through love you release your self to quicker healing. To love in this way helps you avoid bitterness. You will become stronger and mentally more stable. Your emotional health will be stimulated. You will be wiser for your next relationship. Yes there will be another relationship. You will be wiser going in and able to again love freely. Love will carry you through and guide you into a relationship with someone who will truly love you. Relationships may end but true love never fails.

The Mechanics of Faith Is a website where I hope to share some insight to growing in faith, and learning to trust God's word. As I learn a will give any tips and instruction that will hopefully be of use to the readers of The Mechanics of Faith Web site.

Love Heals (By Rebbie Straubing)

2008-06-07T04:13:00.001-07:00

Love’s ointment works on bruised knees as well as broken dreams. Love has the power to heal all conditions of the body and mind. Love’s glow melts its seeming opponents into pure light. Where love is, all is well.

Love is at the center of every miraculous healing. It lifts the spirit of the bereaved. It penetrates the darkest hallway to reveal the next step. There is no loss, pain, or betrayal that love cannot illuminate. There is no sadness that love cannot soothe.

Always Enough

Sometimes it seems that love is the problem. It can appear that love caused the pain. People we love reject us, or they die, or they become so important to us that we encounter endless types of hurt. It seems that love is scarce and can be taken away at the whim of the beloved. This illusion of the scarcity of love comes closer to describing the cause of the pain. It is the sense of lack that hurts, not the love. The lack is an illusion.

There is always enough love. It is behind every great creation. Love is the canvas that holds up the paint. Love is the page that hosts the words. Love is the day you live into. It is every background, hidden behind every story, colored by every circumstance. Underneath every experience there is a field of love upon which that moment was built. There is always enough love. We simply must find it.

Finding Love

Finding love is different from finding your keys or your eyeglasses when they disappear. And yet, we tend to think of it in the same way. We think love is hiding somewhere. We left it with that person or in that old town or in that dear friend. We tend to think love is located in the person we love and when we lose that person we have lost love. Love is very different from that. Love lives in every moment in every particle of existence. Finding love is more like looking through the paint to the canvas, looking through the situation to the essence.

Try This

Here is an exercise for accessing love regardless of conditions. In order to reap the full benefit from this exercise, first take a moment to look around you at the condition of your life. Notice what kind of presence love occupies in your awareness. Take a neutral glance at your entire situation as if through a wide-angle lens. Without judging or defending, free from praise or blame, simply appreciate the contrasting landscape of your incarnation.

Once you have perused your lifescape, close your eyes and gently settle your awareness on your heart center right in the middle of your chest. Allow your breathing to become soft and relaxed. With each breath imagine your heart center infused with the gentle presence of love. Imagine this love soothing all hurts, filling all spaces of loss, and brightening all gloom. As the light of love becomes more established in you, realize that this love is always there. It is intrinsic to your nature. It is native to your being. You don’t have to put it there or develop it. It is the canvas of your life. Love is what you are made of.

Expand your awareness to include your whole body and an egg-shaped energy field all around you. Let love’s quiet presence ease into your awareness, permeating your entire field. With each gentle breath, allow yourself to become so soft and peaceful that the love that resides within you can shine through your situation and your thoughts, through your pains and your losses. Become so quiet that you can sense the slightest presence of this beautiful love as it glows through your physical body.

You may want to regularly spend some time revealing the love that you are in this type of meditative process. The benefits of this practice may surprise you. Love heals a scraped elbow as well as a broken heart. And it does something more. It attracts more love.

Rebbie is a workshop leader, Abraham Coach, and writer.Increase your awareness of Divine Love at the AffirmativeContemplation website at http://www.AffirmativeContemplation.com.You can receive Dr. Rebbie Straubing's Free e-Course, 7 Secrets for Manifesting Your Heart's Desire, at http://www.yofa.net/7secret.html.Read more articles and find out more about YOFA at Rebbie’s main website http://www.YOFA.net.

Love Yourself and Watch (By Nikhil Gangoli)

2008-06-07T04:12:00.000-07:00

To love yourself is the first step to developing spiritually. We have been told to love
others but not to love ourselves. This is a very harmful piece of advice and we will get
into trouble if we attempt to follow it.

We have been told that if we love ourselves we will develop a big ego, become a
narcissist and so forth. However the exact opposite is true. Watch the do-gooders, the
people who serve society, the politicians, the missionaries, and the social workers. You
will observe that they have the biggest egos of all. They will tell themselves that they do
not love themselves but love humanity. Their egos will be nourished and they will
develop big egos.

In fact unless these servants of humanity love themselves their love for humanity will
only be an ego trip and they will do harm instead of good.

Osho Rajneesh says that it is only the person who loves himself who can love others. Just
as you respect yourself you will find yourself respecting others. Just as you meet your
own needs you will find yourself understanding the needs of others. Osho compares
loving yourself with a pebble being thrown into a lake. The ripples caused by the pebble
will at first arise close to the pebble. It is only later that the ripples spread out and reach
the shores of the lake.

If you prevent the ripples from arising close to the pebble naturally they will also not
reach to the shore. In a similar manner unless you love yourself you will not be able to
love others.

Another benefit to loving yourself is that you will be able to meditate. You will be able to
be alone with yourself only if you love yourself. A person who hates himself will seek all
manner of distractions because he will not be able to stand his own company. He will
seek out friends to socialize with, go to a movie, or switch on the tube – anything to take
him away from himself. Doing meditation means being alone with yourself and you will
only benefit from this practice if you love yourself.

And the practice of meditation, the watching – which is the second instruction of the sutra
will help you and benefit you in many ways. Indeed it is possible to learn to love yourself
by doing meditation if you follow the right method.

The method for cultivating love for yourself by meditation is this – watch whatever arises
during the course of your meditation, and acknowledge it. You may want to focus on the
in breath and the out breath as you are doing the meditation. Thoughts and feelings will
inevitably arise. Welcome those thoughts and feelings and acknowledge them. Just this
much is required – no more. This is a powerful Buddhist method of meditation and it will
lead to all manner of benefits in your life, in your relationship with yourself and with
others. You can practice this method of acknowledging your thoughts and feelings at
stray moments during the day when you have nothing to do. During a traffic jam, while
waiting for a bus or train – whenever you find time, practice acknowledging your
thoughts and feelings. Anchor yourself in the present moment by simultaneously
observing the breath. Follow this practice for a few weeks and observe the changes in
your life.

Awareness of yourself, observing yourself is a source of bliss and also transformation.
The story is told of Nagarjuna the famous Indian mystic. Once a thief came to him and
said that he desired to learn and practice the way. The thief said that he is prepared to do
anything but not to give up stealing. He asked if Nagarjuna would accept him as a student
and would teach him. Nagarjuna said, "Certainly I will", and taught him the techniques of
self-observation and mindfulness. He simply asked the thief to practice mindfulness as he
went about his job of robbing people. The thief went home and tried to follow these
teachings. A week later he returned to Nagarjuna and asked to be accepted as a disciple.
The thief said that he had found it impossible to rob others and at the same time be
mindful. He had to choose – either be conscious and not steal or be unconscious and
steal. This was the choice faced by the thief. Nagarjuna accepted the thief as a disciple
and later the thief went on to become enlightened.

Be conscious and watch as you go about your daily activities as well as during
meditation. You will find that truly – virtue is its own reward.

I hope you enjoyed this article and that it will be useful to you.

Stay tuned for more in this continuing series.

For more articles in this series straight to your inbox and for a Free report on Eastern Philosophy and Quantum Physics please visit http://www.eastern-philosophy-and-meditation.com/buddhism.html These teachings will transform your life.

What is Love? How Do You Know If You Have Found The Right Person? (By Tony Tate)

2008-06-07T04:04:00.000-07:00

What is love? Is it something you can feel? How do people know if they have found the person they could spend the rest of their lives with? It would be easier to know if we've found this person if we could know what love is.

Initially when we meet someone we like there is probably something physical attracting us. We may feel attracted. Then if all goes well - you go out, have a good time, and find you want to spend more time with one another - you may begin to have more feelings for one another. But is this love? Time is the answer to all of these questions and the tester of the relationship.

Keep sex out of the mix. When sex becomes part of the equation things become confusing fairly quickly. Sex is a strong and powerful gift that should only be used in marriage to become more intimate - more intimate than you could without it. Outside of marriage it only serves to destroy any chance of truly knowing if you have love for someone or, if they have love for you.

If your relationship is based on sex you are on an unstable foundation. If your feelings change so will your desire to have sex, so will your so called feelings of love with this person and, the same is true for them. Sex only works if love is the foundation of a marriage relationship.

Feelings change and this makes it an unstable foundation for a relationship as well. A lot of times feelings change when the bliss of sex has worn off or, the things you can't stand about the other person surfaces with more frequency. Sex will cause you to look past the things you can't really live with in another person. And when sex fails to work for you, all you have left are all those things that irritate you about your partner.

So what is love? If you can keep sex from coming into the picture the time you spend together can help you find out if you can love the person you're seeing. You will learn what their values are. You will learn what makes them tick and what drives them. You will find out if you could love them through the time you spend together.

What are the interests you share? What things are you passionate about together? Are there things that get on your nerves - drive you crazy? Can you live with those things? Are you driven by the same things they are driven by? Do all these interests that you both share cause you to draw closer or, do they make you want to spend less time together? If after you have seen all there is to see in a person and you are still drawn then you are ready - Ready for what? -To make a decision.

Love is not a feeling or an attraction. It is a decision. In all the things you learn about one another you must weigh whether or not you can live with those things. Are the traits in this person the traits you are looking for in a mate? Do their flaws turn you off to the point that you will choose not to love at some point? Is there enough in them that you like and admire for you to make a decision to love them for the rest of your life? See, love is a verb. It is an action word. It is something you decide to do. It is something you make a commitment to do in good times and bad. In other words you are deciding after everything that you have seen that you can still love the person inside.

From the bible here is a description of love:

(4)Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud (5) or rude. Love does not demand its own way. Love is not irritable, and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. (6)It is never glad about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. (7)Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (8)Love will last forever..(1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

The Secret Power of Romance and How It Can Work for You (By L.A. Hunter)

2008-06-07T03:59:00.000-07:00

There are some men who will never understand the importance of romance. They may be lazy or don’t feel like investing any of their time for something silly like romance. They’re the foolish ones who are wasting time and energy trying to get what they want the hard way.

Then there are the men who know the secrets of romance. For example, on the reality shows such as the Bachelor and Who Wants to Marry (whatever), it’s pretty obvious the men who are the most romantic stick around the longest and are chosen in the end.

Why? Not because they are rich, good looking, have great jobs, or any of the obvious reasons. They know romance is very powerful. And what do these romantic guys do? Simple things like, light candles, pick flowers, look at the stars, have a picnic or romantic dinner; nothing you can’t do with ease.

Whether you want to believe it or not, it is the small things that matter most to a woman when it comes to romance.

Romance is the creation of an atmosphere where she feels unconditional love and appreciation. You can turn down the lights, turn on the radio, take her by the hand and ask her to dance in the kitchen. That’s romance.

Hand her a wild flower, ask her to go on a stroll with you and hold hands. That’s romance. Get it! What is she feeling? At that moment she is the most important woman in the world, she feels appreciated and loved. Romance can even produce the butterflies in her stomach.

The passion and excitement she will be feeling for you not only manifest itself in sex but will also spill over into other aspects of the relationship. Sometimes it takes a few romantic encounters to get the best results, she may not be used to it, she may have been hurt by you and think you’re only doing it for sex. Hang in there, the payoff is within reach. Above all, you will have a fulfilling relationship and you will have fun discovering each other.

From Breakup To Bliss - Romantic Chemistry Comes In Degrees (By Randy Hurlburt)

2008-06-07T03:56:00.001-07:00

Romantic chemistry is not a matter of "love" or "no love." Romantic chemistry comes in DEGREES. Sometimes your romantic feeling for another person may be 70%, sometimes 95%, sometimes 40%. The same is true of another's romantic feeling for you. The degree of romantic chemistry has a lot to do with what happens in the relationship.

For instance, if your romantic chemistry for a particular person is 83% (borderline between good and very good), then you may have feelings of uncertainty and confusion. On the one hand this is an important relationship and you want to keep it, but on the other hand you have vague feelings that there might be something better. You wonder whether to settle for this relationship or hold out for another.

Understanding the dynamics of relationships with varying degrees of romantic chemistry is a critical step in finding good love.

The story of Tom and Mary, condensed from my book "Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know the Odds)," illustrates the importance of measuring chemistry before marriage and also illustrates what happens when there is a chemistry imbalance.

Mary was intelligent, outgoing, beautiful. Tom knew her from the time they were kids; their families knew each other, they never dated anyone else. Mary and Tom dated for seven years before they got married. Tom was a young and promising corporate executive. Mary didn’t really care for the corporate society scene, but there were other things more important in a relationship.

Tom was the adventurous type. One day he said, “Let’s go skinny dipping after dark at the beach. It would be fun!” To which Mary replied, “You’ve got to be kidding! That’s
disgusting! What if we got caught?” I should say Tom is both adventurous and romantic. He says, “Honey, we’ve had such a nice day together, and this fire in the fireplace is so cozy, let’s do it right here. I want you right now.” “Tom, don’t be silly. The fire is beautiful, but it wouldn’t be at all comfortable on the floor. We should go up to the bedroom.”

Tom, of course, does not give up easily. “Let’s go for a bicycle ride this afternoon.” “But we don’t have bicycles!” “I know. I’ve found a place that rents bikes.” “Oh, that’s such a hassle. And it’s a waste of money to rent them.”

Tom wanted to see the world and do things. He wanted to experience life. He wanted to do things together. But they never did much.

Mary wasn’t motivated to do the things Tom wanted to do. She didn’t feel the same chemistry for Tom as he felt for her. She fantasized about going out with other men. So she left. The marriage lasted three years but ended in divorce.

Tom was very much in love with Mary. Mary, although she tried hard to make the relationship work, was only marginally in love with Tom. His feelings for her were very high (about 90%), but her feelings for him were only medium (perhaps 60%). They got married because it was the natural and expected thing to do. They didn’t measure their chemistry using Dr. Bessell’s Romantic Attraction Questionnaire (see Appendix 2 in "Love Is Not A Game") before marriage. There was chemistry but it was not in balance. Mary couldn’t get what she really wanted (a deep feeling of connection) because she did not feel enough chemistry, and this made it relatively easy for her to leave.

To complicate things, neither of them was very emotionally mature (maybe 40%). This was a very typical relationship. Lacking any real understanding of love, they jumped at the popular fantasy of “let’s play house together” and got married. It was doomed from the start by the large difference in chemistry, but they were not mature enough to understand this beforehand.

One can use percentages, as I have done above, to describe the degree of romantic chemistry and the degree of emotional maturity. The relationship between Tom and Mary can thus be described as a “90%-60%-40%-40%” relationship. However, using percentages is cumbersome and not very visual or fun. In the book "Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know the Odds)" I have invented the concept of “Love Dice” to depict various relationship types. Red dice show romantic chemistry on a scale of one to six, and white dice show emotional maturity on a scale of one to six. The Love Dice make it very easy to describe the four key factors that determine the fate of any relationship (his and her romantic chemistry, his and her emotional maturity).

The key is to make an assessment of true romantic chemistry and emotional maturity before getting married. Doing this in advance will assure that you have an exciting and successful relationship.

On the edge of a breakup? Want more love (and better sex)? Three simple steps to turn your relationship around (or find a new one)!

Randy Hurlburt is an internationally acclaimed relationship coach who shows singles, and couples on the brink, how to find and create exciting and successful relationships. He is the author of "Love Is Not A Game (But You Should Know The Odds)," an award-winning book about how to find and keep good love. The book includes tools to measure romantic chemistry and emotional maturity, and how to apply the results to your relationship situation.

Website: http://PartnersinLoveandCrime.com

Who Said 'I Love You' First? (By Mimi Tanner)

2008-06-07T03:55:00.002-07:00

How to get rid of a guy - fast!

(Mimi, have you lost your marbles? Why are you writing about how to get rid of a guy?)

Because today's article is about what NOT to do if you want to keep the interest of a man who has not yet made a commitment to you.

This is written especially for the women who have written me who are very upset that they have made an embarrassing mistake with a man, or that they want a certain man which they do not currently have.

I see a lot of pain in the emails I receive lately. It makes me sad to see my readers hurting. So this particular message is for these women - who in my opinion do not appreciate how special THEY are. They are focused on how special a certain man is and that is all they are able to think about for the moment.

Of course, men do not think the way women do. When a woman is in a relationship, she is focusing on him and on her emotions.

Emotion is certainly present for a man, but in a different way. Men and women each have built-in triggers which the wrong words at the wrong time can set off.

If you set off the wrong trigger in a man, you can be almost certain that he will be finding any excuse to head out the door to start looking for a woman who is not so easy to attain.

In my opinion, the woman should never be the first one to say "I love you."

You may be feeling this love for him; it may be true; and it may be true for him. But until HE says these words to you, he is not ready for it. (Also, be sure your BS meter is running and you aren't hearing those words in an attempt to woo you briefly and then drop you flat. Hey, it still happens ALL the time - and to younger and younger women and girls. That bothers me greatly.)

When you are in the mood to say "I love you," you may be thinking that you are willing to lay your heart on the line for a man you have fallen for. That is a noble thought and I understand it well. And who will be feeling really bad shortly thereafter? You will, if you make the mistake of saying those three little words first.

When a man truly loves you and is in love with you - the kind of man you want, that is - he wants to shout it from the housetops. He wants to show you off to everyone. If you are not seeing THAT kind of reaction - then distance yourself emotionally.

I'm not telling you to be rude or unkind or to even stop seeing the guy. I'm telling you that you need to be your own best friend and protect yourself. What's more, you need to be in the frame of mind that whether this man likes you, loves you, or not - is not going to make or break your life!

Yes, you might get your heart broken over someone. But you know what? You will move on. You will get over this man and find that there is more to life than any one particular man - no matter how special he is to you. Trust me that this is true.

Instead of focusing on how special a man is, focus on how special and unique YOU are. Show off your best qualities by making yourself the best person you can be, inside and outside. Trust that when the time is right for you, a good relationship that is worth waiting for will happen in your life.

Now, for you purists out there, and I know you're out there, yes. I know that there are men out there who will not bolt and run if you say "I love you" first. (Gotta love those guys, too.)

However, those same men will bolt and run if you have been acting clingy and as if your entire emotional future depends on their acceptance of your undying love.

Besides, if you say 'I love you' first, that is kind of like peeking at the Christmas presents. It spoils all their plans. They want to do the wooing and pursuing - don't ever forget that. If they are not actively wooing you, they are not interested in you.

For some readers, all of this is well known information that they already follow in their lives. But many, many of my readers need to hear this. Being head over heels in love makes us vulnerable - and makes us do crazy things. One of the craziest times of all is right after a divorce - if that's your situation, hang on to your hat - be careful.

For more advice and free emails on this subject, be sure to visit IrresistibleToMen.com.

Mimi Tanner reveals the secrets of flirting and getting the attention of your man. It's not as hard as you think. Check out Secrets of Flirting With Men. Sign up for her emails, which are read by thousands every day. (You may reprint this article if this statement is included, with all links unchanged.)

All About Love: What Is a Healthy Relationship? (By Stephania Munson)

2008-06-07T03:55:00.001-07:00

How do you know whether the current romantic relationship, love affair, or even marriage is the 'right' one for you? For starters, ask yourself how you feel about 75% of the time. Be brutally honest. Would you describe your mood as predominantly happy or sad, your basic outlook as mostly positive or negative?

A healthy relationship doesn't make you feel miserable. You don't need to endlessly obsess about issues over which you have no control, such as "Will he ever leave his wife so that we can be married, even after his children graduate from college, like he promised?"

Why do so many people settle for being unhappy as a way of life? Often it's because they don't feel they deserve to be happy. But love doesn't, or shouldn't, make you feel bad. Can love actually be bad for you? Well, toxic love can -- and may result in relentless anxiety about the one who holds your life, hopes, and well-being in the palm of his (or her) hand.

Desperate, worried people tend to be possessive, jealous, clinging, whiny, and/or unreasonable. So is it any wonder that this type of obsessive love can actually alienate the object of such an overwhelming, all-consuming love? Everyone needs some psychic space, and having such anxious demands placed on you can be suffocating. Who among us feels capable of living up to such high standards as making someone else deliriously happy?

Extremely needy people tend to be 'high maintenance' in a love relationship, sometimes even in a simple friendship. It's not much fun to realize the person you care about (and once even thought you might want to marry) is constantly keeping score. It begins to feel as though you'll never "pass Go" but will usually land "in Jail." But love shouldn't be a Monopoly game. There needs to be plenty of room for each partner to stretch, and grow. Gluing two separate people together is not just symbiotic but potentially dysfunctional.

So, how do you view your own relationship, to measure just how healthy it is? After evaluating whether you're mostly happy and content, or mostly sad and worried, you might want to consider the basic ingredients or characteristics -- all right, call them Strengths -- of a healthy relationship, as follows:

(1) What each of us expects from the other is fair and realistic.

(2) We are happy with one another, as we are.

(3) Each of us listens to the other, and cares.

(4) There is ample room for each of us to have a separate life/self. We know we are two separate people who choose to be together and grow/nurture a wonderful, loving relationship.

(5) We can argue or disagree, and remain friends.

(6) Each of us has come to rely on the other, because we value our relationship as a top priority.

(7) Mutual communication and sharing is valued by each of us.

(8) Neither of us must be something or someone other than what we are, to please the other.

(9) Total honesty is a shared value, as well as kindness and sensitivity toward one another's feelings.

(10) Our relationship works well now, not as an unfulfilled goal to be hoped for in the future.

(11) We are both committed to the relationship, and to one another. Neither of us threatens to leave.

(12) We love and care for one another, unconditionally

How many of those strengths does your relationship have? Remember, if yours seems to be lacking, it's not necessarily time to end it all -- because every relationship or marriage can be improved, if both parties are willing to work together to achieve that goal. Don't settle for mediocre, when you can shoot for and really have Miraculous!

-------Stephania edits a twice-monthly HTML ezine, Tidbits from the Pantry, that is currently sent to more than 11,000 opt-in subscribers. She recently retired after 40 years in the field of human services, and offers a free evaluation of a life problem to any subscriber by email.

I Love You, But, I Don't Like You (By Anthony Smith)

2008-06-07T03:54:00.001-07:00

"And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart." Psa 78:38-39 But he, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity, and destroyed them not: yea, many a time turned he his anger away, and did not stir up all his wrath. For he remembered that they were but flesh; a wind that passeth away, and cometh not again. God remembers that man is just flesh and prone to mistakes and evil. Gods compassion for mankind, as it has become, is not limitless but has a time line that will be followed.

Have you ever told anyone that you loved them but were not, In Love with them? Very strange words that man comes up with. But is it really strange or are they just taking the thoughts of God to Heart? We all know that we have the mind of Christ, because the Bible says that we do. But we don't have the mind of God and that is why I thought I would instill a little thought of my own, into you, about His mind and the way He thinks about His creation. In genesis, everything that God created in days 1 thru 5 he said were good, but when it came to man, He didn't say that it was good, neither did He say that what He created was good.

Gen 1:27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. As mans ability grew, God became a little frustrated with His creation and repented that He created Him.

Genesis 6:5 thru 6, And GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.
And it repented the LORD that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart.

Grieved; to wound the sensibilities of; to make sorrowful; to cause to suffer; to afflict; to hurt.

Heart; The seat of the affections or sensibilities, collectively or separately, as love, hate, joy, grief, courage, and the like; rarely, the seat of the understanding or will; usually in a good sense, when no epithet is expressed; the better or lovelier part of our nature; the spring of all our actions and purposes; the seat of moral life and character; the moral affections and character itself; the individual disposition and character; as, a good, tender, loving, bad, hard, or selfish heart.

Man had, and still does, wound the sensibilities of and the individual disposition and character of God. God Loves us but He doesn't like us. Simple but true. Our disposition is set against the laws and statutes of God because its in our nature to do so, sense the fall of Adam. Man continually wars against God because of his inbred nature of world conquest and greed for another mans possessions. Jesus was sent to this earth to save man from himself and save the soul of man from an angry God, again because God loved His creation but didn't like it. Jesus had a difficulty with man also for He and the Father spoke as one, for they are one.

In Matthew 23:37 Jesus said; “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!” The following beautiful Greek epigram, taken from the Anthologia, affords a very fine illustration of this text.

Beneath her fostering wing the Hen defends

Her darling offspring, while the snow descends;

Throughout the winter’s day unmoved defies

The chilling fleeces and inclement skies;

Till, vanquish’d by the cold and piercing blast,

True to her charge, she perishes at last!

O Fame! to hell this fowl’s affection bear;

Tell it to Progne and Medea there: -

To mothers such as those the tale unfold,

And let them blush to hear the story told! - T.G.

Jesus would protected and saved man as He was but for mans ir-respect for Him and His Father. Man then, as is today, have fallen away from God and is hurting Him with his sinful nature. Its not just the un-believer but also some that say they are Christians and are not but do lie. I wanted to read a little from the same chapter of Matthew. 23:32 thru 36. Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers. Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell? Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city: That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar. Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.

Psalms 139:20 thru 23. For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain.
Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: David was not rebuked by God for these statements, God understood what David was saying as we all should. Man has grieved God from generation to generation.

Gods love, as stated in John 3:16, still stands today but His dislike for His creation also stands. Just imagine giving your only son for a creation that is burdensome to you, this is the type of Love God showed us and the type of man that David was as He spoke those words. God enemies are our enemies. When they blaspheme Gods Name they hurt us because that is our Father they speak of. Romans 7:18 For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

Romans 8:8, So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God. Just remember that God, being full of compassion, will forgave your iniquity but there is coming a time that his anger will not be turned away, but He will stir up all his wrath.
The source for the Greek epigram; comes from Adam Clarke's commentary in which he quotes from the Anthologia.

Exo_32:14; Num_23:19; Deu_32:36; 1Sa_15:11, 1Sa_15:29; 2Sa_24:16; 1Ch_21:15; Psa_106:45, Psa_110:4; Jer_18:8-10, Jer_26:19; Hos_11:8; Jon_3:10; Mal_3:6; Rom_11:29; Heb_6:17, Heb_6:18; Jam_1:17
grieved: Deu_5:29, Deu_32:29; Psa_78:40, Psa_81:13, Psa_95:10, Psa_119:158; Isa_48:18, Isa_63:10; Eze_33:11; Luk_19:41, Luk_19:42; Eph_4:30; Heb_3:10, Heb_3:17

Temple of Spirit & Truth Ministries
A.R. Smith Sermons International
http://www.ourchurch.com/member/a/arsmithsermons/

Life - The Way of Love (By Teow Aun Chew)

2008-06-07T03:53:00.001-07:00

To live in peace and love, evil cannot be overcome by more evil. Evil can only be overcome by good. The current trend in the world today is to overcome evil with evil, which with modern weapons would lead to complete choas. The way of overcoming evil with good and love, it would lead to a glorious and mature life. It is the lesson of the way of love. Those who create something which is evil in order to overcome something else which is evil, will only double the evil.

Pure love is a willingness to give, without a thought of receiving anything in return. Love can save the world from nuclear destruction. Love your fellow human beings; make yourself fit to be called a child of God by living the way of love.

Do you know there is a power greater than ourselves which manifests itself within us as well as everywhere else in the universe? This can be called God. To love God is to reflect love toward all people and all creations. To know God is to feel peace within - a calmness, a serenity, an unshakeableness which enables you to face any situation. You can find God if you will only seek - by obeying divine laws, by loving people, by relinquishing self-will, attachments, negative thoughts and feelings. And when you find God it will be in the stillness. You will find God within.

The Way of Man is taught by Confucius. The five human relationships must be perfected before one can appreciate The Way of Heaven. In life, firstly is to practise the Way of Man. Sincerity in the practice is of utmost importance. When you give love, in return you shall receive love. To ask for mercy, first you must show mercy.

Goddess of Mercy said, "let thousands of people, receive the light of mercifulness. Let thousands of people, bathe in the great grace of Heaven. Let thousands of people, transcend from the sea of sufferings. Do not compare with others. Do not compete with others. Establish a right objective. Do not hesitate and do not hinder yourself. Accept the sufferings and live with the sufferings. Feel the tragedies of mankind. Give joyousness whenever required. Show mercy, in return you shall receive mercy." How many of us can really show mercy?

People can be very cruel and unreasonable. Why not ponder over this poem, "In the dark, there is some light. In the black, there is some white. In the blind, there is some sight. In the wrong, there is some right. Step back one pace. The sea is wide and the sky is spacious. Give some way to others, how leisurely one is! Endure a few words, you'll be easy and worry-free. Be patient for a while, a happy fairy one becomes!"

Author: T.A Chew

Website: http://www.white-sun.com

T.A Chew, an accountant by profession, through spiritual cultivation was told to firstly practise the Way of Man, then only can he appreciate the Way of Heaven. The Way of Man is to live in peace and love. Replace evil with good and understand what is good and what is evil and then practise it daily.

Easy Ways to Turn Any Evening Romantic (By L.A. Hunter)

2008-06-07T03:35:00.000-07:00

If you don’t have the time, money or energy to plan and execute the perfect date, you’re not alone. The good news is you can set up a romantic evening in just a few minutes and without any cost. Use these easy ideas to turn any evening at home into a romantic rendezvous.

1. Location – Pick a spot outside like the hammock, lawn furniture or simply throw a blanket down. The stars make great romantic scenery. If you’re staying in, pick a room you don’t normally spend a lot of time in. It will help keep your minds off daily routines. Throwing pillows and blankets on the floor in front of the fireplace is very romantic. If you have children, put away any toys, bottles and clothing they may have left in the room so you’re not thinking of them during your romantic evening.

2. Lighting – Romance is about atmosphere, bright lights at night won’t do. Turn the lights down. If you can’t turn them down, you may want to unscrew a bulb or two to create a soft look in the room. You can light some candles. One or one hundred, it’s up to you. Always take care when burning candles, don’t leave unattended and don’t burn them under curtains or other flammable items. Hanging a string of white lights somewhere in the room will create the feeling of warmth and passion. A sting of white lights will also look very romantic outside in a tree, on a porch or railing. If your location is outside, you can light torches and citronella candles to keep the bugs away.

3. Music – Being in a good mood is key to pulling off a romantic evening and nothing can change your mood as quickly as music. Turn on the radio. Play music that makes you feel good and upbeat. It doesn’t have to be boring elevator music, in fact that could make you and your partner drowsy. If you don’t want commercial interruptions you can play your favorite CD’s or tapes.

4. Edibles – Grab a nice looking dish and raid the cupboards. The typical romantic snack foods are: cheese, crackers, grapes, and strawberries. But if you don’t have these items anything bite size will do such as peanuts, pretzels, cut vegetables, etc. Put any drinks in wine glasses. Wine, beer, soda, fruit drinks and even water are more enticing when served in wine glasses.

5. Alone Time – This is time for just the two of you. No company, no distractions. Turn off cell phones and pagers; let the telephone answering machine get the calls. If you have kids, put them to bed before starting your date. Schedule this time like an important appointment. At least two hours should be set aside.

The evening doesn’t have to be perfect. If something goes wrong, it doesn’t have to be ruined. Be optimistic, go with the flow and continue. And when planning your next romantic rendezvous make a few minor changes for variety. Be creative and enjoy!

The Economics of True Love (By Adeyemi Adetosoye)

2008-06-07T03:34:00.000-07:00

In the real world, can there be romance without finance? A common saying: No romance, without finance. But what does it mean really? After a little thought about it and a hard look at the big picture, we see that it actually derives from the fact that in the real world, there is actually some level of bias to any decision we make, including our decision to love or be in love.

In a land of utopia therefore, it would seem perfectly reasonable that Love would know no bounds, experience no biases. In our world however, far from any kind of utopia, biases begin to play their different roles, one way or the other.

From a financial standpoint, most women want to be secure and go with whoever comes correct as far as finances are concerned. But finances aren’t the only bias in our society: upbringing, level of education, manners, carriage, height, persona, charm, etiquette, to name a few. Plus of course, he or she should be generally approved by our loved ones.

Expression of our individual biases however, does not mean we are mean people, or self-seeking individuals. On the contrary, they point immediately to two main glaring things: that we are merely humans in an imperfect world and our very human nature, with its whims and elements of choice and free will, allow us to “filter” out our choices till we arrive at our ‘true love’.

But is this love so defined, pure and divine or is it just a load of baloney anyway? Yes it can be pure and divine; no, it is not a lot of baloney. Why? Because from our very natures and the nature of the world in which we live in, our whims must be tolerated, till we see Prince Charming or the Fair Maiden, whoever they turn out to be.

True Love found in this manner, mustn’t be confused with “love” that stems from a desire for self-gain and greed. Yes, it is perfectly possible that finance may drive a romance. And yes, it is perfectly possible that for the less-materialistic of us, finance does drive a romance, but to a much lesser degree than may be considered healthy by most average standards.

A lust for self-gain and the romantic attachments that derive from this may only be considered greedy and disgusting (relative terms, mind), if the romance that results is only for the material possessions and nothing else.

A financially-motivated romantic relationship then, in this guise may not be true love at all, but just the love of self and the desire for self-gain. At the same time, whilst most ‘decent’ folk may not have a no-holds-barred attitude toward the ‘present’ material/financial status of the one they admire, everyone wants to see that the loved one has some “prospects”, or some desire and motivation to make something of him or herself in life. No one wants to be in love with the future bum. In this regard, because of the basic instinct of survival which is perhaps the greatest instinct of all living creatures, humans included, True Love may be assumed.

In this last context however, true love can only be assumed, after it has been tested, not to be a play for the gold, but as a really genuine state of the mind.

This brings us quickly to the story of Romeo and Juliet. First and foremost, they were both from two powerful, perhaps financially free, albeit feuding families. Without the knowledge (possible bias) that Romeo was of the Montague family, she is drawn by him. When she later finds out, she mourns her fate to the heavens and Romeo, hiding in bushes close to her house, hears her lamentation and despite being initially dismayed that she was a Capulet, (this dismay cannot have been too great however, otherwise what was Romeo doing lurking around Juliet’s house in the first place?) is immediately emboldened to make his feelings known to her. True Love had been found!

What is the moral of the story therefore in the light of the theme of my discourse?

True love can be found, despite any and all biases, financial included. He or she may not be well-off now, but that can always change. Romeo and Juliet were not willing to risk their love over pride and the squabble of some old and dead people; a squabble which was probably silly, of which they knew nothing.

Yes, the need for security is very high, but if you truly love him or her, if the bias can be changed, you will try to change it and have true love. If it can’t be changed, or the other refuses to change to suit your personal ‘filter’ and make you both happy, then, you may have to let go.

Knowledge is not power…it is only empowering; the Application of Knowledge is Power.

About The Author

Christopher Adeyemi Adetosoye is author of A Man’s Guide to Finding True Love and A Woman’s Guide to Finding True Love, E-books, which are currently available at http://www.trueloveguide.com; adeyemi@trueloveguide.com

Attract the Love of Your Life (By Terry Hernon MacDonald)

2008-06-07T03:33:00.000-07:00

Have you heard about the technique Olympic athletes use to help them
win gold medals?

In addition to conventional practice, they do some critical mental work
as well. They close their eyes and "see" themselves making the winning
basket, being first across the finish line, etc. They "feel" the weight
of the medal as it's draped over their necks. They "hear" the roar of
the crowd.

What does this have to do with you attracting a good, fun, and faithful
man or woman to spend the rest of your life with?

Everything.

You can use this technique, too, to attract a relationship with a man or woman
who possesses the qualities you desire.

Here's how to do it:

1) Decide what qualities you desire most in a husband or wife

2) Write them down

3) Construct a scene on paper between you and this person using as much
sensory detail (touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing) as you can. (Make sure you
write the scene in past tense! This is critical!).

Read it out loud three times a day, preferably before your feet touch
the floor in the morning, at lunch, and just before you drop off to
sleep at night.

Visualize it whenever you have a free moment (while you're on hold,
waiting on line at the bank, stuck in traffic, etc.).

As you continue to do this exercise, you will notice that new details
will seemingly pop into your scene from nowhere. That's a good sign.

Keep it up.

Before long, you will attract available people with the qualities you
desire. What's more, you will be attracted to them, too. Getting dates will become effortless and maintaining a relationship with "the right one" will be blessedly free of angst and drama.

How can I be so sure of this? Well, I used this technique, and it worked for me. After years of
disastrous relationships, I attracted and married the man of my dreams.
Twelve years later, we're still in love and having fun together.

Go for it!

Terry Hernon MacDonald is the author of the ebook "How to Attract and Marry the Man of Your Dreams." Visit her website at http://www.marrysmart.com

Is Love Ever In Vain? (By Annie Kaszina)

2008-06-07T03:32:00.000-07:00

All too often you fall in love with someone out of a place of need: you may need someone to complete you because as you are, you don't feel good enough. Still, the love that you feel for that other person may well be utterly genuine, even if its origins lie in your own inadequacies.

But somewhere along the line you believe that that love - which is your investment in the other person - should pay dividends. In a bad relationship, there may well not be the desired dividends.

Because there is so much hype and - dare I say it? - self-indulgence, magically sanctioned by the 'lurv' word, it's easy to confuse the issues.

It is quite possible to love the hurt child who hides in the depths of an abusive partner, or the needy child who drives the behaviour of the sex addict, or the suffering child cowering in the depths of any number of other damaged (and damaging) human beings.

But do you really want to bind your life to theirs? Is expecting profoundly damaged human beings to contribute to your happiness reasonable? And is it a good idea to dismiss the voice of reason?

You have the choice whether you want to respond to people with love and compassion in the moment... and pass on; or whether you want to make a crusade of the relationship. When you embark on a crusade, a rescue mission or shoring up your own sense of self through another person, you invest your self-worth misguidedly. Then your investment, or more correctly, your gamble, will be in vain, as a general rule. As with any other investment, you can get it wrong - in which case the sensible thing is to get out as fast and painlessly as you can.

A lot of people,at some point in their life,will throw good love after bad. Just the same as people do with money. It's a strategy that is unlikely to produce the desired results, in either case. Still loving has to be better than not loving. Refusing to love, or closing down to love, numbs the very soul.

And just as there are various lanes to the wealth highway, so there are several lanes to love. There is the love you have for your partner. There are also the family, friends and people you meet in specific contexts with whom, however briefly, you can have a loving - that is to say, caring, empathic, disinterested - relationship. That kind of relationship, surely, never is in vain.

Finally, there is Lucille Ball's comment, which deserves to become mantra: 'Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.' Now that kind of love is surely never in vain.

Annie Kaszina

Joyful Coaching

An NLP Practitioner and Women's Empowerment Coach, Annie specialises in helping women heal relationship pain and attract the relationships they want. To order Annie's eBook 'The Woman You Want To Be, or subscribe to her twice monthly ezine go to: http://www.EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com or email: annie@EmotionalAbuseRecoveryNow.com